IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

It has been suggested that primary children should learn how to grow vegetables and keep animals. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

These days, it is becoming popular in primary schools to educate
children
Use synonyms
 on how to plant vegetables and look after
animals
Use synonyms
.
As a result
Linking Words
, some people argue that
this
Linking Words
 trend is beneficial.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some argue
Linking Words
this
Correct word choice
that this
show examples
 learning should be optional. In my
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
opinion
Punctuation problem
opinion,
show examples
 there are more benefits than drawbacks to
this
Linking Words
 trend, as
this
Linking Words
 learning develops respect for the natural environment.
This
Linking Words
 essay will explain the reasons
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 my viewpoint, providing examples. There are some negative aspects to teaching
children
Use synonyms
 about taking care of
animals
Use synonyms
 and vegetation. The main issue can be that young individuals may start feeling distracted from primary
subjects
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 as literature, math or science. It means
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 that if
children
Use synonyms
 focus on these
subjects
Use synonyms
, rather than the main ones, they may lack basic knowledge.
For example
Linking Words
, at the age of 5-7 years
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
old
Punctuation problem
old,
show examples
 it is particularly important for primary school
children
Use synonyms
 to learn how to count and how to read.
Hence
Linking Words
, the main focus is supposed to be on these
subjects
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, teachers and parents can take
this
Linking Words
 problem into consideration and try to find a balance between academic
subjects
Use synonyms
 and not, to minimise or even avoid bad consequences. It is extremely beneficial to educate pupils on how to look after the natural environment.
Firstly
Linking Words
, through cultivating vegetables
Use synonyms
children
Punctuation problem
, children
show examples
 will realise the value of fresh products, so they may not waste food.
Secondly
Linking Words
, gaining knowledge about how to feed and interact with
animals
Use synonyms
 can help to develop vital personal qualities like empathy, care and kindness.
For instance
Linking Words
, in Australia, some primary schools organise farm days, where pupils are introduced to some farm
animals
Use synonyms
 and even allowed to feed and pet them.
This
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 helps
children
Use synonyms
 to be less cynical and selfish in future, but
instead
Linking Words
 to be kind and generous. In conclusion, it becomes obvious that there are many more benefits to teaching
children
Use synonyms
 how to grow plants and look after
animals
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 knowledge brings a range of positive aspects, as the child learns about nature, develops kindness and care, and learns about the ecosystem of our planet.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

language
Fix many small grammar and punctuation mistakes to help the reader
task
Make your main point clearer in the opening and keep it the same through the essay
coherence
Use simple links to move from one idea to the next, and avoid long, run-on sentences
content
Show both sides more evenly: a brief negative view then a strong positive reply
coherence
Link examples directly to the point you make, so the reader can see the tie
content
The writer gives a clear view that caring for nature is good.
example
There is a real example about farm days that shows how learning can happen in real life.
structure
The essay starts with a direct answer to the question and keeps it in mind.
Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • primary children
  • grow vegetables
  • keep animals
  • advantages
  • disadvantages
  • practical skills development
  • environmental awareness
  • health benefits
  • instilling responsibility
  • learning about food production
  • time commitment
  • maintenance costs
  • safety concerns
  • curriculum constraints
  • limited resources
What to do next:
Look at other essays: