1.Some people think that young people should spend free time with families instead of outside entertainment, others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #time #families #entertainment

In today’s era, having a busy

life

with hectic schedules is ubiquitous which makes the proportion of spare

time

for relationships become a rising concern. Some

people

consider that spending

time

with their families is more worthwhile than using their short private

time

with others. From my perspective, It is better to clarify what is suitable for each circumstance. In

this

essay, I will discuss both views which are specifically in building and maintaining among family members bringing the boon about enjoyment and happiness and having a private zone sometimes for entertaining outside is

also

necessary. On the one hand,

Life

is much better if you have good interaction with

people

which obviously should start from home.

For example

, a child is born and raised by their parents' love that has been fostered day by day, and parents need a strong commitment to spend their precious short private

time

with them. Love needs to be built and maintained because it can not develop by itself, and asking for everyone has the responsibility for caring and thinking for each other.

In addition

, I believe that having a family where everyone takes care of each other will make

people

become more tolerant and easy to deal with struggles in

life

On the other hand

, personally, everybody has their hobbies and social relationships which merit consideration to widen their social network.

For instance

, to be successful in a company, collaboration skills are very important which can not be created if

people

only interact in the workplace.

That is

why many

people

sometimes need to arrange

time

to go out with their colleagues who have the same hobbies or interests to not only reduce stress but

also

create a tight string between them. Whereby, it is crucial to arrange a private zone out of the family. Eventually, whatever

people

choose and do is the virtue of having a balanced

life

. From my point of view, having a strong connection with family members and others in society is beneficial to human beings. To illustrate, when balancing the

time

between families and their private hobbies, it will provide no space for being cracked which even may happen if

people

don’t allocate

time

suitably.

Thus

, let's try to balance the spare

time

for both family and personal activity.

To conclude

, a beautiful bond is built from family to community.

That is

the reason why building and maintaining a family connection and having private

time

for personal interests deserve serious consideration.

Therefore

people

need to arrange a suitable schedule for both to make it more preponderant.

Submitted by lantran180487 on Fri Sep 15 2023

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Fully explain your ideas

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Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
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Sentence 4 - Conclusion

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Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

428 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.5

Complete response

6.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

bond
relationship
communication
experience
learn
opportunity
exposure
culture
perspective
development
interest
skill
socialize
peer
broaden
horizon
opinion

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