IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

some countries invest a significant amount of money in promoting the use of bicycles. why do you think this is the case? Does it have a positive or a negative impact on individuals and the society

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In modern times, the majority of nations stimulate residents to use
bicycles
Use synonyms
 as their main means of transportation by investing in remarkable funding. The primary reason for
this
Linking Words
 initiative stems from environmental protection.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the writer of
this
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 essay does suppose that it has positive effects on individuals
due to
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 cost-effectiveness
as well as
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 society avoiding
traffic
Use synonyms
 congestion. It must be understood that most countries aim to orient to an eco-friendly living space when making investments in bicycle use. To put it simply, in comparison to private vehicles,
bicycles
Use synonyms
 do not require fuel, but
instead
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, rely on human beings ' physical fitness.
As a result
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, it will not release emissions or pollutants into the environment, leading to minimizing severe air pollution in metropolises.
Therefore
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, people opting to ride
bicycles
Use synonyms
 can contribute to protecting the surroundings.
Furthermore
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, it is on account of saving budget that riding bikes
benefits
Change the verb form
benefit
show examples
 every resident, making it a potential improvement. More specifically, on the condition that individuals cycle as their main way to travel, they will not have to spend on refilling fuels or parking lots as car users do.
Moreover
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, it can undeniably support each person to concentrate on more essential expenditures
such
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 as housing costs.
Thereby
Rephrase
Therefore
show examples
, thanks to cycling, cyclists are able to be more effectively well-managed in their finances.
Last
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 but not least, mitigating the heavy
traffic
Use synonyms
 jams is another contribution when it comes to riding bikes. In
further
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 explanation, that increasing phenomenon in developing cities is largely owing to the overuse of cars or trucks which account for space.
Consequently
Linking Words
, when travelling on roads during rush hours, it may easily cause
traffic
Use synonyms
 jams. Contrastingly,
bicycles
Use synonyms
 are designed in a compact way, resulting in users carrying along everywhere and whenever they wish to, regardless of office hours. In conclusion, reducing environmental issues is the main purpose of the government in terms of encouraging people to ride
bicycles
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, it can create a positive development in society because of saving finances
along with
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 mitigating
traffic
Use synonyms
 jams.

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task achievement
While the essay provides a comprehensive response to the prompt, offering key reasons and impacts, it could benefit from clearer examples. Where relevant, include specific instances that better illustrate your points.
coherence cohesion
Try to ensure that each paragraph has a clear, singular focus. The flow of ideas is generally good, but occasionally, points could be more explicitly connected to improve overall coherence and cohesion.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction effectively sets up the essay, but consider adding a brief restatement of your main points in the conclusion for a stronger closure. This can help reinforce your arguments to the reader.
task achievement
The essay does a good job of clearly stating the reasons behind promoting bicycle use and the impacts it has on both individuals and society.
coherence cohesion
The overall organization of the essay is logical and easy to follow. Paragraphs are well-structured, and there's a clear introduction and conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Points are generally well-supported throughout the essay, which helps in maintaining the reader's understanding and interest.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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