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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart shows the percentage of total world population in 4 countries in 1950 and 2003, and projections for 2050.

The bar chart shows the percentage of total world population in 4 countries in 1950 and 2003, and projections for 2050.
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The supplied chart
,
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apply
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 represents the total proportion of world inhabits in 4 different countries in 1950, 2003 and predictions for 2050.
Overall
Linking Words
,
in
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at
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 the beginning of the period China had the highest amount of
population
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,
while
Linking Words
Japan
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 experienced the lowest percentage of
population
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 in 1950 and 2003. Looking at the details closely, in India in 1950 the total
umber
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number
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 of
people
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 consisted of 15%, after some decades in 2002 it was
at
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in
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 the range of (about) 17%. The growth of
Use synonyms
population
Correct article usage
the population
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 for the future in India
,
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apply
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 is predicted under 20% (18% approximately). In China, the earliest date (1950) made
of
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up
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 roughly 23% of
people
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. In the following
period
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,period
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 the rate of citizens decreased (20%). It is
forecasting
Wrong verb form
forecasted
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 that, in the
future
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,future
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 the proportion of
people
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 will experience a rapid decrease (15%). Turning back to the details, the USA and
Japan
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 are indicators of the lowest number of
population
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. Prediction of the USA
of
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for
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 2050 and 2002 year are at the matching number of 5%,
while
Linking Words
 in 1950 the percentage of
people
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 be comprised of about 7%.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
Japanese
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the Japanese
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population
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is differ
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differs
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 from the USA with slight differences. The minimum number was predicted for
Japan
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 for the future 1%,
however
Linking Words
 in 1950 and 2002
Japan
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 had a tiny contrast.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words population, japan, people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • bar chart
  • percentage
  • total world population
  • countries
  • 1950
  • 2003
  • projections
  • 2050
  • comparison
  • trend
  • increase
  • decrease
  • stable
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