Some people think that social networking sites have a huge negative impact on both individuals and society. To what extent do you agree or disagree
Over the
last
decade, social networking platforms
have gained immense popularity worldwide. While
these developments have indeed brought numerous harmful effects to society, I believe that social media
is advantageous to both individuals
and communities due to
the valuable resources and networking opportunities it provides, as outlined below.
Concerning the negative impacts, social media
platforms
often disseminate incorrect information
and promote consumerism. First,
in the context of the stock market, many individuals
exploit these platforms
to disseminate misleading information
for personal gain. For instance
, shareholders might suffer financial losses by following unverified advice from unqualified individuals
on the internet. Second,
advertisements on social media
have amplified consumerism, particularly affecting younger generations. For example
, teenage girls are easily influenced by social media
trends promoting the latest fashion, even when they have no genuine need for these items.
Despite these drawbacks, social media
platforms
offer significant benefits, such
as access to a wealth of knowledge and the ability to network with professionals in the same field. First,
the vast amount of valuable information
available online allows individuals
to learn and improve skills without attending traditional classes. For instance
, there are numerous free resources on the internet for learning cooking, English, or even investment strategies. Second,
platforms
like LinkedIn facilitate networking with experts in various fields. This
enables individuals
to build relationships with professionals, learn valuable lessons, and potentially secure job opportunities through introductions and recommendations.
In conclusion, while
social media
platforms
have their share of disadvantages, the positive benefits, such
as access to extensive information
and networking opportunities, make them a valuable tool for individuals
and communities. Due to
these merits, I believe that social platforms
will continue to develop and play a crucial role in our lives in the foreseeable future.Submitted by okookk123456 on
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task achievement
While your essay does a great job outlining both the positives and negatives of social media, enhancing the depth of analysis in each paragraph can make your arguments more compelling. For example, adding more specific statistics or citing studies can strengthen your points.
coherence cohesion
To improve cohesion, make sure each sentence flows smoothly into the next. Transitional phrases and cohesive devices can help improve this. For example, use phrases like 'moreover' or 'furthermore' to link ideas within paragraphs more seamlessly.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are well-written, clearly stating your stance and summarizing the main points effectively.
task achievement
Your essay provides a balanced view, addressing both the negative and positive aspects of social media. This comprehensive approach demonstrates a clear understanding of the topic.
task achievement
The examples provided, such as the impact of misinformation in the stock market and the influence of consumerism on teenagers, are relevant and well-explained.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.
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