IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Most artists earn low salaries and should therefore receive funding from the government in order for them to continue their work. To what extent do you agree?

#artists #salaries #government #work
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Mostly all creative person earns too little in terms of wages, which is why it becomes necessary for the authorities to back them. Up to a certain level, I support
this
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 idea, which I will mention
further
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. To start with, there are so many reasons behind supporting
artists
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 by the governments.
Firstly
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, with the help of funds creators like, painters or actors can focus on their activities without having to worry about mingling with daily routines and expenses. After all, they are meant to be creaters not to do tedious work for 9 to 5.
For instance
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, in countries like India every year the government honours
artists
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 for their excellence in work in the form of money and medals.
Furthermore
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, whenever higher authority helps new or old
artists
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 indirectly they support culture and art of its values.To enhance
this
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 most prominent example is the film industry, today many younger are not aware of our freedom fight movement, and by creating movies like Saheed or Gandhi it becomes easy for kids to know about our history.
On the other hand
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, in current times it is needed to provide funds for the development of countries more and more. A high rate of growth needs more funds for infrastructure, education and health care. As far as funding to
artists
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 is concerned there are so many non-profit organizations existing to provide support. In conclusion, the government should opt for the right ways to encourage art and
artists
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 which lessen their worry about the current and future life. Ultimately
this
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 is better for understanding and protecting our culture.
Submitted by jaimini2000 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and supports the main argument. Use transition words and phrases to connect ideas and create a logical flow.
task response
The introduction lacks clarity and conciseness. Make sure to clearly address the prompt and provide a clear thesis statement. Support your main points with relevant examples and provide a balanced argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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