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Band 5.5

The chart below give information about the high-speed continuous internet connection of households in five countries in 2001 and 2002

The chart below give information about the high-speed continuous internet connection of households in five countries in 2001 and 2002
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The bar chart illustrates the
number
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 of
people
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 connected to the
internet
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 continuously in the
first
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 two years of the 21st century.
Besides
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, the remaining table chart shows the change in the years 2001 and 2002.
Overall
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, the
people
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 who use the
internet
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 the most are mainly from the Americas. In European countries, the
number
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 of
internet
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 users has increased dramatically.
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First
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, the share of servers connected to the
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internet
Capitalize word
Internet
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 increased by more than 20% between 2001 and 2002. Specifically, 122
people
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 were continuously connected to the network in 2001 and in 2002, and the
number
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 of
people
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 who used high-speed
internet
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 had reached 134.4
connections
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 per
1000
Correct your spelling
1,000
people
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.
Moreover
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, the US received 251.1
connections
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 per 1000
people
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 in 2002,
while
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 devices that used high-speed
internet
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 in 2001 had only 93
connections
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 per 1000
people
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.
This
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 means that the total
number
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 of
connections
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 to
high speed
Add a hyphen
high-speed
show examples
internet
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 has jumped
for
Change preposition
by
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 more than 170%
..
Replace the punctuation
.
...
show examples
Additionally
Linking Words
, in Germany, there were 3.4
connections
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 per 1000
people
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 in the
first
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 year of the 21st century and 5,616
connections
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 to
high speed
Add a hyphen
high-speed
show examples
internet
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 a year later. The percentage of customers using
high speed
Add a hyphen
high-speed
show examples
internet
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 in Germany
had
Wrong verb form
has
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 shot up
for
Change preposition
by
show examples
 more than 80% since 2001.
Futhermore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
, the percentage of servers using
high speed
Add a hyphen
high-speed
show examples
internet
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 in Switzerland increased by 120% in 2002. Especially, the level of connectivity to the
internet
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 in Switzerland increased from 3.6 to 7.92 in 2001 and 2002.
Finally
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, the
number
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 of high-speed
internet
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 users in the UK increased dramatically in the
first
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 two years of the 2000s, the initial index from 3.3
connections
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 per 1000
people
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 increased to 10.89
connections
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.
This
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 is the country with the highest percentage increase compared to the other 4 countries
although
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 the amount of
internet
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 connection only ranks 3rd in the bar chart.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words number, people, internet, first, connections with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 7 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "dramatically" was used 2 times.
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