IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people think that the best way for developing countries to eradicate poverty is to provide six years of free education to every child. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience

#people #countries #poverty #six #years #education #child
Indeed
education
 plays a vital role for an individual
as well as
country's
Correct article usage
a country's
show examples
growth
however
 because of impoverishment some
people
 can not afford to study
further
.
Therefore
 some
people
 believe that offering six year of free
education
 help to combat the problem of
poverty
. I strongly agree that free
eduucation
Correct your spelling
education
 is the best way to solve the
poverty
 problem in developing
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
show examples
.
This
 essay will
further
 elaborate my views
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 favouring positive impact. To commence with, If the government provide free
education
 to child it will help to break the shackles of
poverty
. When children go to school they acquire skills and training in each and
evry
Correct your spelling
every
 field.
Hence
 , it will help them to get better
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 as the
job
 market only allows
people
 to work who have
education
Add an article
an education
the education
show examples
.
Secondly
, Free
education
 gives them
a vast career options
Correct the article-noun agreement
vast career options
a vast career option
show examples
as well as
in depth
Add a hyphen
in-depth
show examples
 knowledge of
Correct article usage
a perticular
show examples
perticular
Correct your spelling
particular
 department.So Educated workforce is more likely to contribute to a nation's economic
growth
 through innovation and productivity. Analysing the statement and explaining
further
,
education
help
Change the verb form
helps
show examples
 to maintain gender equality.Both
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 and
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 can learn at
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
school and women can
also
 get a chance to work in various
field
Fix the agreement mistake
fields
show examples
 which
curb
Change the verb form
curbs
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
employment issues which
also
 leads to
growth
Correct article usage
the growth
show examples
 of
country
Add an article
the country
a country
show examples
.
Furthermore
, Free
education
 results in
Correct article usage
a reduaction
show examples
reduaction
Correct your spelling
reduction
 of child
labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
 as children who can not afford the educational fees
also
 have
chance
Correct article usage
a chance
show examples
 to go to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
school. Free
education
also
 leads to human capital development as
educated
Correct article usage
an educated
show examples
 workforce
attract
Correct subject-verb agreement
attracts
show examples
 foreign investment and technological advancement will
leads
Change the verb form
lead
show examples
 to economic
growth
.
Also
Add a comma
,Also
show examples
 the
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 can publish more
job
 opportunity for poor
people
 can
also
helps
Change the verb form
help
show examples
 for
growth
.
For example
, The government of India publish more
job
opporutunity
Correct your spelling
opportunities
 for
people
 which
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
 them to curb 50% of
poverty
 only by that. To recapitulate, by agglomerating all the points aforementioned above
that
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
education
 plays a pivotal role in
economical
Correct word choice
economic
show examples
groeth
Correct your spelling
growth
 and
to curb
Change the verb form
curbing
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
poverty
therefore
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 believe providing six years of free
education
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
 to combat the problem.
Submitted by bhumikashah1414 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: