IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that spending a lot on holding wedding parties, birthday parties and other celebrations is just a waste of money. Otherhowever, think that there are necessary for individuals and the society. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

There is an ongoing debate about whether spending a large amount of money on
celebrations
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such
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 as weddings, birthday parties, and other social
events
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 is unnecessary
,
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apply
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 or whether these occasions are essential for individuals and society.
While
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 some
people
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 consider
such
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 spending wasteful, I believe that these
celebrations
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 should be encouraged because they provide emotional value and strengthen social relationships. On the one hand, some argue that major
celebrations
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 often involve
excessive
Correct word choice
high
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 financial costs. Hosting weddings or large parties usually requires renting venues, decorating spaces, and purchasing gifts, all of which can place a significant financial burden on individuals. In some cases,
people
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 feel social pressure to
organize
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organise
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 extravagant
events
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 simply to meet social expectations, which may lead them to overspend or even go into debt.
Additionally
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, the time and effort required to prepare these
events
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 can increase stress, particularly in modern society
where
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, where
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people
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 already lead hectic and demanding lives.
On the other hand
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,
celebrations
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such
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 as weddings, birthdays, and holiday gatherings play an important role in maintaining social connections. These
events
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 often mark meaningful milestones in
people
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’s lives and provide rare opportunities for family members and friends to reunite. In today’s fast-paced society, it is increasingly difficult for
people
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 to gather
due to
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 work commitments and personal responsibilities.
Therefore
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, having formal occasions encourages individuals to reconnect, share their experiences, and create lasting memories together.
Such
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 moments contribute to emotional well-being and offer positive energy, especially for those who may
otherwise
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 experience loneliness or social isolation. In my opinion,
although
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 these
celebrations
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 require considerable financial investment, their emotional and social benefits far outweigh the costs. Money can be earned again, but the value of shared memories and strengthened relationships is irreplaceable.
For
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this
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 reason, spending on meaningful
celebrations
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 should not be regarded as a waste, but rather as an investment in personal happiness and social cohesion.

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task
Try to add one or two clear examples to back each main idea.
coherence
Use clear sign posts to show the move from one idea to the next.
structure
Clear view is shown and the essay follows a good plan with intro, body, and conclusion.
analysis
The reasons for and against are clearly shown and tied to the writer's view.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • spend
  • money
  • waste
  • cost
  • party
  • celebration
  • wedding
  • birthday
  • event
  • value
  • benefit
  • advantage
  • drawback
  • budget
  • save
  • plan
  • limit
  • moderate
  • meaningful
  • memorable
  • joy
  • happiness
  • family
  • friends
  • society
  • culture
  • tradition
  • economy
  • vendor
  • business
  • debt
  • debt
  • simple
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