Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?
In recent times, some
people
contend that taking alternative medicines
and treatments could have a positive influence on various aspects, while
others believe that it could lead to adverse detrimental repercussions. In this
essay, I will address two diametrically opposed views and reason out the conclusion.
There are several advantages that are worth considering.
To begin
with, trying alternative medicines
and treatments is an easier and more affordable way than visiting their doctors in person. In America, It is tough to make an appointment and see a doctor. Thus
, it makes patients
prefer to apply herbal medicines
or acupuncture instead
. On top of that, they can reap those treatments with
relatively reasonable Change preposition
at
price
.
Fix the agreement mistake
prices
In addition
to this
, people
can control how to treat their problems. Based on their symptoms, they can not only try alternative medicines
on one day but also
have acupuncture on the other day.
In spite of the merits described above, however
, it could cause negative impacts.
First of all, there is a possibility that patients
have wrong knowledge about their health conditions. In the long run, it will affect to
their health. From my experience, there was a patient when I was working at a dialysis Change preposition
apply
center
. Change the spelling
centre
People
who do not have good kidneys should not eat a lot of fruits as it can exacerbate kidney's
health. But Change noun form
kidney
this
Change the determiner
this patient
these patients
patients
did not know that, so he took a myriad of fruits as he heard somewhere that having fruits would be helpful. This
caused the patient to accelerate to take dialysis treatment.
As well as
this
, once patients
visit the clinic, the doctor diagnoses their condition on specific ample evident
(e.g. blood test or x-ray), which prevents Replace the word
evidence
people
from taking wrong
medications or information.
In conclusion, it can be observed that there are two different viewpoints, which are both, to a certain degree, convincing. Correct article usage
the wrong
Although
it can offer merits, it seems to me that its risks far outweigh potential
benefits. Correct pronoun usage
its potential
Therefore
, I consider it as a negative development.Submitted by mirea0124 on
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coherence cohesion
Your essay presents clear arguments for both sides of the issue and concludes with a clear opinion. However, work on your transition between paragraphs to improve the logical flow. For example, the transition between advantages and disadvantages can be smoother.
task achievement
Strengthen your supporting examples. While you provided an example about a patient at a dialysis center, more specific, detailed examples can provide stronger evidence for your arguments.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, and both adequately frame the discussion and your opinion.
task achievement
You addressed both advantages and disadvantages, providing a balanced view before reaching your conclusion.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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