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Band 6

Many food and drink prodcuts contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary Products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

#food #drink #prodcuts #levels #sugar #health #products #people
These days many problems can occur
as a result
 of consuming too much
sugar
 in everyday
food
 and drinks. Naturally, the high level of
sugar
 in
body
Add an article
the body
show examples
 can cause many health issues. It is argued that raising the price of
food
products
 which contain a high level of
sugar
 can be a reasonable and effective solution to encourage
people
 to buy these
products
 less. I partially agree with
this
 solution and will provide my reasons in
this
 essay. It is argued that increasing the price of those
products
 which contain a high level of
sugar
 will certainly discourage
people
 from buying these
products
. By doing so, fewer
people
 will be willing to spend money on these
products
, which will eventually help them become healthier.
Although
 it is a gradual process, in the long run,
people
 will be switching to healthier
food
 options
such
 as vegetables and high-fiber and high-protein meals.
On the other hand
, some
people
 argue that it is the responsibility of the manufacturers to produce
products
 which take
people
's health into consideration.
As a result
, many believe that the government should
incur
Verb problem
impose
show examples
 tougher laws and regulations on these companies.
For instance
, placing higher
tax
Fix the agreement mistake
taxes
show examples
 on sugary
products
 will encourage
food
 and drinks manufacturers to make appropriate modifications in their
products
 so that they become healthier options for
people
 to buy. In conclusion, I would have to say that I partially agree with the idea that increasing the price of sugary
products
 is the only solution. I believe it is the responsibility of both the government and the manufacturers to take
people
's health issues into consideration.
Submitted by hsmkashi on

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Task Achievement
To improve your score in task achievement, try incorporating more relevant and specific examples to support your arguments. Using concrete examples can enhance your argument's persuasiveness and clarity.
Coherence and Cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, focus on linking ideas more effectively between paragraphs. Although your essay has a logical structure, using more cohesive devices (e.g., moreover, however, consequently) can enhance the flow of your essay and make it easier to follow.
Coherence and Cohesion
In order to support your main points more effectively, consider developing your arguments in greater depth. Expanding on your reasons and explaining the consequences or implications can make your essay more compelling.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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