IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8.5

Some people think that technological development has made life complex. The only possible solution it not to use technology to live a simpler life. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In today's modern era, mechanism plays a crucial role in our daily schedule. Some argue that advancements in machinery have made life more complicated, suggesting that the only way to simplify lifestyle is to completely avoid using technology.
Although
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 automation can make life more complex in some ways, it has
also
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 simplified many aspects of our lives.
This
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 essay will explore my perspective on
this
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 issue before reaching a final conclusion.
To begin
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 with, technological progress has unquestionably added complexity to our growth, especially in terms of increased connectivity. Specifically, the constant use of smartphones and social media has led many people to become glued to their screens, resulting in problems like sleep disturbances and reduced face-to-face interactions.
This
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 situation is
further
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 highlighted by the rise of "tech addiction," where individuals struggle to detach from their devices.
For example
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, a study conducted by the National Institute of Mental Health in Bangalore, India, discovered that excessive smartphone usage was linked to higher levels of stress, anxiety, and sleep problems among teenagers.
Therefore
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, excessive use of technology has led to various complex health issues.
However
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, technological assets have
also
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 brought significant simplifications to our growth, particularly in fields like healthcare and banking.
In other words
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, the availability of medical information online has empowered individuals to take control of their health, making medical advice more accessible and convenient.
Additionally
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, the introduction of online banking services in India has streamlined financial transactions, eliminating the need for long waits at physical banks. In these ways, the mechanism has played a vital role in making essential aspects of the human lifestyle less complicated. In conclusion, having discussed the topic at length, I concur that technological development has introduced complexity into our lives;
nevertheless
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, it has
also
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 provided solutions to simplify various aspects of our existence.
Therefore
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, technology should be used for its benefits
while
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 remaining mindful of its excessive use which leads to several problems.

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task response
Your essay effectively addresses the topic with a clear stance throughout. For further essays, ensure to maintain this clarity and engage directly with the questions posed.
coherence cohesion
You’ve used a variety of cohesive devices and paragraphing well, ensuring your essay flows logically from one point to the next. To enhance this further, consider experimenting with a wider range of linking phrases to demonstrate versatility in your writing.
task response
The essay provides a balanced view by discussing both the complexities and simplifications technology brings, which shows an excellent understanding and engagement with the topic.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion succinctly introduce and summarize your main points, demonstrating effective structure.
task response
You’ve supported your arguments with specific examples, such as the study by the National Institute of Mental Health, making your essay more persuasive and informative.
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