The chart below shows the percentage of the population in the UK who consumed the recommended daily amount of fruit and vegetables in 2002, 2006 and 2010.

The chart below shows the percentage of the population in the UK who consumed the recommended daily amount of fruit and vegetables in 2002, 2006 and 2010.
According to the
Change preposition
The
show examples
bar chart,
It
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
shows the
overall
population in the United Kingdom , who is instructed to consume fruit and vegetables
by
Change preposition
on
show examples
daily
Correct article usage
a daily
show examples
baseies
Correct your spelling
basis
bases
. In the
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
show examples
2002, 2006 and 2010.
Overall
, the chart
illustartes
Correct your spelling
illustrates
peoples (
men
, women, children), who is recommended to consume fruit and
vegitablen
Correct your spelling
vegetables
vegetable
in three years. At the beginning, of 2002 women
consumes
Change the verb form
consume
show examples
more healthy foods rather than
men
and children,
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
the same
year
the second highest
presentage
Correct your spelling
percentage
is
men
, they are the ones
how
Correct word choice
who
show examples
Add the particle
to capture
show examples
capture
Wrong verb form
captured
show examples
the second most
pacle
Correct your spelling
pace
in
this
year
and
finaly
Correct your spelling
finally
the
last
place goes to children because they prefer junk foods compared to good ones.
Furthermore
, women are the ones , who are more likely to eat
healthy
Change the word
healthily
show examples
in all three years and the highest
persentage
Correct your spelling
percentage
of 32 lies in the
year
2006 . The recommended fruit and veg
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
men
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
high in the
year
2006 and it reduced to 24 % in 2010 ,
Likewise
Add a comma
,Likewise
show examples
the
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
show examples
are
steping
Correct your spelling
stepping
in to
Join the words
into
show examples
good habit day by day and their progress
reaches
Wrong verb form
reached
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
16% in 2006 and it slightly
skrink
Correct your spelling
shrink
skink
in 2010 by 14%.
Submitted by insighttribez on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall".
Vocabulary: Replace the words year, men with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: