IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Today people are surrounded by advertising. This affects what people think is important and has a negative impact on people’s lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #impact #people’s #lives
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Adevrtisement
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Advertisement
 is
an
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a
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 ubiquitous presence in our life from TV, radio and social media. Some
people
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 argue that
adverts
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has
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have
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 many positive
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impact
Change to a plural noun
impacts
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 on life
whether
Correct word choice
while
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 some
people
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thinks
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think
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 that it has more drawbacks than benefits. I agree that
commercials
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 have more disadvantages and
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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impact
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 negatively
on
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apply
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people
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's lives.
This
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 essay will
further
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 elaborate my views on
favoring
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favouring
show examples
 argument. To commence with,
adverts
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 have some significant
downside
Fix the agreement mistake
downsides
show examples
. First and foremost is that
adverts
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 manipulate consumers. Advertising creates false needs and desire in
consumer
Add an article
the consumer
a consumer
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 that leads to overspending money and debt.
Furthermore
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, its unrealistic standards as
advertise
Replace the word
advertisements
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gives
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give
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 incorrect information on beauty
products
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 and other cosmetics.
For example
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, Advertisement on makeup product shows famous model applying
foundation
Correct article usage
the foundation
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 of MAC company and most
of
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apply
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female impulsively buy that product without even consulting any dermatologist if
its
Correct your spelling
it's
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 good for their skin or not.
Moreover
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,
commercials
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also
Linking Words
affects
Change the verb form
affect
show examples
Correct article usage
the enviroment
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enviroment
Correct your spelling
environment
 as overconsumption leads to
enviromental
Correct your spelling
environmental
 degradation and waste. Analysing statement and explaining
further
Linking Words
,
adverts
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also
Linking Words
affects
Change the verb form
affect
show examples
 youth's behaviour. Most of the
advertise
Replace the word
advertisements
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 target children as they have enough maturity to understand what they need and what not.
Hence
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 they start to demand
unneccesary
Correct your spelling
unnecessary
products
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 from their parents by watching the
advertisemnet
Correct your spelling
advertisement
advertisements
. Another point is economic pressure and materialism.
People
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 feel peer pressure as everyone thinks that only branded clothes and
products
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prooves
Verb problem
prove
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wealthness
Correct your spelling
wealth
 and
standard
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standards
show examples
.
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Therefore
Therfore
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Therefore
,
people
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 give more importance to
material
Add an article
the material
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 than the relationships .
On the other hand
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 ,
commercials
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also
Linking Words
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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 some positive
impact
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 as
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
provides
Correct subject-verb agreement
provide
show examples
 detailed knowledge about
products
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 and keep
update
Wrong verb form
updating
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 us with new
products
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 and
its liability
Fix the agreement mistake
their liabilities
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. To recapitulate,
commercials
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 are everywhere from
Televesion
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television
 to social platforms.
people
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thinks
Change the verb form
think
show examples
 that
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
adverts
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 negatively
impact
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
's lives .
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 totally agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement as
advertisement
Fix the agreement mistake
advertisements
show examples
 manipulate consumers and mislead
to
Correct pronoun usage
them to
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impusive
Correct your spelling
impulse
 buy the product.
Submitted by bhumikashah1414 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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