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Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Today people are surrounded by advertising. This affects what people think is important and has a negative impact on people’s lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #impact #people’s #lives
Adevrtisement
Correct your spelling
Advertisement
 is
an
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a
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 ubiquitous presence in our life from TV, radio and social media. Some
people
 argue that
adverts
has
Change the verb form
have
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 many positive
impact
Change to a plural noun
impacts
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 on life
whether
Correct word choice
while
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 some
people
thinks
Change the verb form
think
show examples
 that it has more drawbacks than benefits. I agree that
commercials
 have more disadvantages and
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
impact
 negatively
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
's lives.
This
 essay will
further
 elaborate my views on
favoring
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favouring
show examples
 argument. To commence with,
adverts
 have some significant
downside
Fix the agreement mistake
downsides
show examples
. First and foremost is that
adverts
 manipulate consumers. Advertising creates false needs and desire in
consumer
Add an article
the consumer
a consumer
show examples
 that leads to overspending money and debt.
Furthermore
, its unrealistic standards as
advertise
Replace the word
advertisements
show examples
gives
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give
show examples
 incorrect information on beauty
products
 and other cosmetics.
For example
, Advertisement on makeup product shows famous model applying
foundation
Correct article usage
the foundation
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 of MAC company and most
of
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apply
show examples
female impulsively buy that product without even consulting any dermatologist if
its
Correct your spelling
it's
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 good for their skin or not.
Moreover
,
commercials
also
affects
Change the verb form
affect
show examples
Correct article usage
the enviroment
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enviroment
Correct your spelling
environment
 as overconsumption leads to
enviromental
Correct your spelling
environmental
 degradation and waste. Analysing statement and explaining
further
,
adverts
also
affects
Change the verb form
affect
show examples
 youth's behaviour. Most of the
advertise
Replace the word
advertisements
show examples
 target children as they have enough maturity to understand what they need and what not.
Hence
 they start to demand
unneccesary
Correct your spelling
unnecessary
products
 from their parents by watching the
advertisemnet
Correct your spelling
advertisement
advertisements
. Another point is economic pressure and materialism.
People
 feel peer pressure as everyone thinks that only branded clothes and
products
prooves
Verb problem
prove
show examples
wealthness
Correct your spelling
wealth
 and
standard
Fix the agreement mistake
standards
show examples
.
Correct your spelling
Therefore
Therfore
Correct your spelling
Therefore
,
people
 give more importance to
material
Add an article
the material
show examples
 than the relationships .
On the other hand
 ,
commercials
also
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 some positive
impact
 as
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
provides
Correct subject-verb agreement
provide
show examples
 detailed knowledge about
products
 and keep
update
Wrong verb form
updating
show examples
 us with new
products
 and
its liability
Fix the agreement mistake
their liabilities
show examples
. To recapitulate,
commercials
 are everywhere from
Televesion
Correct your spelling
television
 to social platforms.
people
thinks
Change the verb form
think
show examples
 that
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
adverts
 negatively
impact
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
's lives .
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 totally agree with
this
 statement as
advertisement
Fix the agreement mistake
advertisements
show examples
 manipulate consumers and mislead
to
Correct pronoun usage
them to
show examples
impusive
Correct your spelling
impulse
 buy the product.
Submitted by bhumikashah1414 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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