In many countries, the amount of crime is increasing. What do you think are the main causes of crime? How can we deal with those causes?
In the third world, a skyrocketing number of criminal activities has generated societal instability. There are two main original roots of crime including Illiteracy and consumerist culture, which can solve each issue by standardizing education courses and strengthening financial awareness.
To begin
with, people now cannot compete with others for the corresponding job position if they do not have a bachelor's degree, which results in unemployment in many illiteracy people. Linking Words
Hence
, they hard to meet their basic Linking Words
demands
in daily life which leads to the growth of wrongdoers, who participate in misdeeds as the Use synonyms
last
way to cover their financial fees. Linking Words
Consequently
, they have engaged in burglary, pickpocketing and robbery cases, disregarding the consequences of their misbehaviours. Linking Words
For instance
, many research projects have demonstrated a positive correlation between the high unemployment index, the high percentage of illiterate and the high proportion of criminal activities. Linking Words
Besides
, youngsters now live in a consumerism and materialist culture, where they believe that they are evaluated by their appearance, which promotes them to buy plenty of exorbitant fashion items. Ultimately, they joined illegal activities to meet their material Linking Words
demands
when they were insolvent since they had paid for insane expensive products that exceeded their financial ability. Use synonyms
For example
, almost all of the burglar records that were investigated revealed a massive amount of credit loans in their bank accounts, which was the main impetus driving them to participate in Linking Words
this
type of criminal to pay their maturity debts and their financial Linking Words
demands
.
Use synonyms
However
, In order to counteract Linking Words
this
phenomenon, which could be solved by applying the education method. Linking Words
Initially
, Perhaps the most effective way is providing financial grants and scholarships for excellent students in universities and orientating other members to vocational training, helping them find their ideal job positions from some practical skills and experiences that were equipped in these academy institutions. Linking Words
As a result
, people ultimately find the appropriate work, which could meet their basic Linking Words
demands
and contribute to diminishing the number of burglars on the whole. Use synonyms
In addition
, all these academies have to educate youngsters about financial awareness that helps them avoid some financial loan traps from the prevalence of debit credit cards. Linking Words
Besides
, they should recognise their necessary Linking Words
demands
before making any impulsive decision for exorbitant commodities. Use synonyms
Therefore
, they can cover their daily demand and feel self-satisfied with their life.
Linking Words
To conclude
, illiteracy and materialist culture might be the main causes for the increase in illegal actions, which can be tackled by providing free educational courses and tightening financial awareness.Linking Words
Submitted by lenam2k1 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
grammar
While your essay covers the key points and provides a clear argument, it's essential to address minor grammatical errors and improve sentence structure for better readability and precision.
coherence cohesion
Enhancing the linkage between paragraphs with more varied linking words and phrases can make the essay even more cohesive.
lexical resource
Using more advanced vocabulary and expressions will help elevate your writing to a higher level.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a strong logical structure, with each paragraph clearly focusing on a specific point.
task achievement
The introduction and conclusion are effectively presented and provide a clear framework for your arguments.
task achievement
You have done a good job in supporting your main points with specific examples and evidence.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example