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Band 5.5

The graph below shows the number of enquiries received by the Tourist Information Office in one city over a six-month period in 2011.

The graph below shows the number of enquiries received by the Tourist Information Office in one city over a six-month period in 2011.
#enquiries #tourist #information #office #city #period
The line graph illustrates the
number
 of enquiries received by the Tourist
Information
 Office in one city over a six-month
period
 in 2011.
Overall
 it is noticeable that the
information
 received by
person
Add an article
the person
show examples
 had the highest
number
 of enquiries,
while
information
 by letter/ email lowest.
Furthermore
, data received by
person
 and telephone increased over the
period
 in question,
whereas
 by letter/ email decreased.
However
,
information
 received by telephone had the highest
number
 of people before March when
information
 got by
person
 replaced it.
To begin
 with
person
Add an article
a person
show examples
, it gradually fluctuated from 900 before April when it
going
Wrong verb form
went
show examples
 up to 1600 in the final months. The figure for
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 accounted for 400 which rose marginally
untill
Correct your spelling
to
 800 in March.
Consequently
, it increased significantly to
namely
Rephrase
apply
show examples
1900
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
enquiries in
the
Change the article
apply
show examples
June
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and was the most popular method of receiving
information
 throughout the
period
. With regards to
letter
Fix the agreement mistake
letters
show examples
 and email, it maintained the same level before March when it
fall
Wrong verb form
fell
show examples
 progressively to under 400 in May.
However
, in the final
months
Add a comma
,months
show examples
 it stayed
constantly
Change the word
constant
show examples
 and had the smallest
number
 of people over the
period
 in question.
Submitted by dimash171206 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 85%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words number, information, period, person with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "information" was used 6 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
▼
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