IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 8

Some companies sponsor sport and sports stars as a way to advertise themselves. Some people think it is good, while others think there are disadvantages. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#companies #sponsor #sport #sports #stars #people
Sports sponsorship is known as a marketing strategy
that is
 used by companies to promote their name,
however
, its impacts have created a debate.
While
 several people indicate that athletic endorsements have a beneficial effect on companies' promotions, others still raise concerns about their influence.
This
 essay attempts to shed light on both perspectives before concluding that I prefer the former notion.  On the one hand, some opinions agree that the idea of investing in sports events to advertise corporations' names is beneficial for businesses's performance.
Firstly
, it helps increase media exposure, leading to the enhancement of the brand's image and reputation.
For example
, Nike, who endorsed France's soccer teams in the 2022 World Cup, has improved their brand awareness
as well as
 reputation since their logo appeared on French jerseys and footwear during million-view games.
Secondly
, firms' product sales increase positively when they collaborate with successful players. To illustrate, after Lionel Messi, who is Adidas's ambassador, won the 2022 World Cup with Argentina, his two gold stars were sold out.
This
 not only boosted Adidas's product sales but
also
 the firm's total revenue in 2022. 
Nevertheless
, a group of people argue that collaboration in athletics is not effective marketing. One of the disagreements is that the intense competition among sponsors makes it difficult to stand out from other investors.
For instance
, in Formula One racing, large automobile manufacturers,
such
 as Ferrari, take all the spotlight when funding the top-ranked teams.
This
 leaves a small opportunity for other car enterprises that support low-ranked teams to gain recognition and reputation.
Hence
,
although
 companies invest a significant amount in sponsorships, there is no guarantee that the partnership will always meet their expectations. In conclusion, despite the athletic partnership having some drawbacks
due to
 the highly competitive environment, I am convinced that it still brings significant advantages to businesses as an advertising technique.
Submitted by mtri28899 on

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task response
Your response addresses the task prompt effectively and presents a clear opinion, supported by relevant arguments and examples. Good job!
coherence cohesion
The essay has a well-organized structure with a clear introduction, body paragraphs discussing both views, and a convincing conclusion. The use of cohesive devices effectively links ideas throughout the essay.
lexical resource
Your use of vocabulary is appropriate and varied, demonstrating a good command of academic and formal language. Consider incorporating more advanced vocabulary and idiomatic expressions to elevate the lexical richness.
grammatical range
The essay shows a good range of grammatical structures, with mostly accurate and varied use of complex sentences. However, watch out for minor errors in subject-verb agreement and article usage.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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