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Band 4.5

In many countries television shows many foreign -made programmes. The dominance to the imported entertainment is harmful to the culture of these countries. To what extend do you agree or disagree.

#countries #television #-made #programmes #dominance #entertainment #culture
Entertainment has now taken over the world since it has
became
Wrong verb form
become
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 a good resource to relieve
stress
Correct article usage
the stress
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 and anxiety that
are being
Verb problem
we
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faced
Wrong verb form
face
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by
Change preposition
apply
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us
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apply
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in our everyday
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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. Many
argued
Wrong verb form
argue
show examples
 that foreign-made programmes are great learning
source
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sources
show examples
 for one because they provide wider exposure.
However
, other locals believe that imported entertainment can cause harm to
culture
Add an article
the culture
a culture
show examples
 of the country. I, personally, think that there is no harm in foreign shows being telecasted in the country. Foreign countries are known for their
technoligical
Correct your spelling
technological
 advancements and for their mindsets for progress. The shows
contains
Change the verb form
contain
show examples
 knowledge that can benefit young minds of other countries. They can
also
 be a great of enjoyment
while
 inspiring
young
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the young
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 generation to enhance their skill sets. For
intance
Correct your spelling
instance
, a
tv
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TV
show examples
 show
of
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by
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 nicklodean named, Victorious was popular among
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
college students all around the world since
that
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it
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 showed not only funny content but
showed
Verb problem
apply
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that kids
besides
 their acadeics were
also
invloved
Correct your spelling
involved
 in singing and dancing activities which inspired children
of
Change preposition
from
show examples
 different countries
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
also
 enhance these skills of their.
Consequently
, it can
also
 be not denied that telecasting foreign shows can be one of the
reason
Change to a plural noun
reasons
show examples
 for forgetting
cultural
Correct article usage
the cultural
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 values of a country since children learn and do things
what
Correct word choice
that
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 they see.
For example
 in Pakistan, relationships before marriage are nowadays very common which are not acceptable by desi parents and relatives since it was never a part of Pakistani culture because of religious concerns, but the foreign shows promoted these among the youth of Pakistan. In conclusion, despite respecting the religious views of all
nation
Fix the agreement mistake
nations
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, I am in
favor
Change the spelling
favour
show examples
 of
freign-made
Correct your spelling
free-made
 programmes since the
adantages
Correct your spelling
advantages
 of having these programmes outweigh the disadvantages.
Submitted by syedaaneequa on

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Task Achievement
Ensure that the introduction clearly introduces the topic and your stance on it. Develop a clear thesis statement to guide the reader on what to expect in the essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Connect your ideas in a more cohesive manner by using transitional devices such as conjunctions, transitions, and repetition of key words to guide the reader through your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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