IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In some countries young people have little leisure time and are under a lot of pressure to work hard in their studies. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?

One of the widely
discused
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discussed
 issues nowadays is
lack
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the lack
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 of free
time
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 among
teenagers
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. It is undeniable that studying has become an essential part of our
life
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lives
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.
However
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, these days
teenagers
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 do not have enough free
time
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 for entertainment
.
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
and personal life. One of the main aspects of the problem is that modern education systems are highly demanding. One of the main reasons behind
that is
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 a heavy workload. For the sake of their future,
teenagers
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 study day and night, attend extra classes, and
prepsre
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prep
 for exams.
In addition
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, many of them are involved in extracurricular activities, which
also
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 take a lot of
time
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.
This
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 could lead to serious consequences.
Teenagers
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 may feel
stress
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stressed
 and exhausted, which might result in health problems
such
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 as anxiety or lack of sleep.
Moreover
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, they have less
time
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 to communicate with friends and family, which negatively affects their social skills and
emotionnal
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emotional
 well-being. To tackle
this
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 problem, people should reconsider the balance between study and rest. Schools could reduce excessive homework and focus on more effective learning methods. Parents should
also
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 encourage their
childrens
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children
 to take breaks and spend
time
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 on hobbies.
This
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 may be the easiest and so the best way to help
teenagers
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 stay motivated and
encourage
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encourage them
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 Having weighed everything
mentionedbove
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mentioned above
, we can come to a conclusion that lack of free
time
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 is a serious issue for modern
teenagers
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. So it would not be surprising to see more young people suffering from stress in the near future. Actions must be taken urgently,
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otherwise
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apply
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we will face a generation
that is
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 tired, unmotivated, and less productive

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task response
Answer both parts more fully. You explain causes well, but solutions are a bit short.
task response
Add one clear example to support your ideas, such as school hours, test pressure, or family rules.
task response
Develop the solutions more. Explain how each solution can help young people have more free time.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, body, and end, which is good for the reader.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words carefully. Some are good, like 'However', 'In addition', and 'Moreover'. Keep this style.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence flow and small errors, because they can make some parts less clear.
task response
You clearly introduce the topic and keep your ideas on the same point.
task response
You give good causes, such as heavy workload, extra classes, and exams.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is well organized into paragraphs with a clear conclusion.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • high expectations
  • academic success
  • future success
  • competitive nature
  • modern education systems
  • top grades
  • prestigious universities
  • high-paying jobs
  • rise of technology
  • social media platforms
  • physical activities
  • relaxation
  • extracurricular demands
  • multiple responsibilities
  • economic factors
  • lower-income families
  • part-time jobs
  • academic pressures
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