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Band 6

In some countries young people have little leisure time and are under a lot of pressure to work hard in their studies. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?

#countries #people #leisure #time #pressure #work #studies
Some young people find themselves with very little leisure time. I believe there are two main causes of
this
 situation. The first is parental
pressure
 and the second is competition for
university
places
. Every parent wants to see his or her child do well in school and go on to have a successful career.
This
 means that they exert
pressure
 on their
children
 to spend hours each day studying at home. Some even arrange extra tuition for their
children
. In my own country, it is not uncommon for young people to spend another three hours at small private schools after their usual day at
stale
Correct article usage
a stale
show examples
 school is over.
As a consequence
, their leisure time is extremely limited and the
pressure
 on them is considerable. The second cause is related to the higher education system. Each year, there are many times more applicants to
university
 than there are
university
places
. The result of
this
 is that only those students with very high grades manage to obtain a place.
This
 contributes to the
pressure
 on teenagers since they must work long hours to have any chance of success. One solution to the problem is for parents to be made aware of the effects of the
pressure
 they put on their
children
. Schools should inform parents that too much
pressure
 can lead to anxiety, stress and depression. They should be shown ways in which they can help their
children
 lead more balanced lives with a reasonable amount of leisure time. Another effective measure would be for the government to invest in the creation of more
university
places
.
This
 could be done by expanding existing universities or by building new ones.
This
 would have the effect of easing competition for
places
 giving teenagers some of their precious free lime back.
Submitted by dnm.best on

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content
Address the full prompt: ensure you develop both causes and solutions evenly in your essay.
development
Incorporate more detailed, specific examples to support your points, which can lend more weight to your arguments and increase your score.
organization
Efficiently organize your paragraphs, ensuring clear and logical transitions between ideas, to maintain strong coherence throughout the response.
language
Use a varied range of structures and vocabulary to demonstrate language proficiency more effectively.
introduction/conclusion
Ensure that both the introduction and conclusion are clear, concise, and effectively summarize the main points of the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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