one of the consequences of improved medical care is that people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing. do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the diadvantages.
Since the development of medical
care
and medical equipment, people
thought about the outcome of life expectancy. Nowadays, this
topic is more significant than ever as the advancement in technology is multiplying, year by year, the life span.
It is clear that
there are benefits and drawbacks. In fact, there are lots of advantages for seniors, such
as enjoying their retirement and having free time to take care
of their grandchildren, which is beneficial for them, as they can gain wisdom from their grandparents. Whereas
, older people
are more likely to get sick and hinder the health care
system, especially in countries where it is paid by the citizens.
However
, the rise in life expectancy means that nurses and caregivers are more requested in order to help older people
. It is clear that
creating new jobs is the essence of a florid country, however
, the generational turnover is relevant to leave space for young people
to grow and build a family on their own.
Moreover
, more patients in hospitals to pay for is a reason why taxes are getting higher. Thus
, higher charge is becoming harder to support for families, furthermore
, this
led the government to raise the retirement age in order to get more people
to pay taxes. For
this
reason, I believe that the development of the technology of medical equipment should be compensated by a new arrangement in the pension system.
In conclusion, I am of the opinion that, in this
scenario, the benefits outweigh the drawbacks, as long as the government is responsible for updating the reforms since the progress in medical care
is not ending. As a result
, the government should rethink laws and reforms in order to support hospitals with more assistance for the geriatric unit, nonetheless
to aid workers with payment in instalments for taxes.Submitted by valeria.pomante on
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Task Response
The introduction does not present a clear opinion and does not provide a direct answer to the question of whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. It is crucial to clearly address the specific instructions in the prompt.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay lacks clear logical progression and coherence between ideas. The points are not effectively developed and connected, leading to a lack of cohesive flow in the essay.
Lexical Resource
The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary with some inaccuracies and inappropriate word choices. It would benefit from using a wider variety of vocabulary to express ideas in a more precise and academic manner.
Grammatical Range
There are multiple grammatical errors throughout the essay, including verb tense inaccuracies, subject-verb agreement issues, and sentence structure problems. It is important to work on improving grammatical accuracy and sentence structure for a higher score.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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