IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Big salary is much more important than the job satisfaction. Do you agree or disagree? Provide relevant examples if necessary.

#salary #job #satisfaction
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Work
 pleasure is considered to be less essential than the huge package. In my opinion, I completely disagree with
this
 because career enjoyment boosts productivity
as well as
 releases happy hormones. The primary reason why
job
 satisfaction is important
because
Add a missing verb
is because
show examples
 it leads indirectly to success in the career. An individual working just for the sake of money, would not enjoy the duties and
as a result
, the growth-oriented ideas would not come to his mind,
however
, if the worker loves his
job
 duties, there are chances that he can
work
 on the skills and cherish them. The fact that an English writer named Henry, quit the
job
 with a good package, and joined the literature team even though it was paying him less proves that internal desire for
work
 matters a lot. The second reason why workplace contentedness is vital is happiness. When a person is at a palace where he likes to
work
, he would be at peace internally which would indirectly prosper family relations as he will be in a good mood.
In other words
, if someone is not happy at his
job
, he will have a bad mood and
consequently
 show aggression towards dear ones.
This
 is evident by seeing the number of divorce cases happening among the masses who misbehave with their wife after coming home from the workplace.
To conclude
, I strongly believe that
work
 satisfaction is more important than a high salary because it not only helps the person to grow or prosper in life but
also
 provides stability in relationships.
Submitted by pkaur3443 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is sound, with clear paragraphs each discussing a distinct point. However, the paragraph transitions could be smoother. Try to link your ideas more fluidly from one paragraph to the next.
Task Achievement
The introduction and conclusion were clear and precise, effectively guiding the reader as to your position on the topic. However, try to use more varied language in the introduction and conclusion to make your points stand out.
Task Achievement
Your main points were clear and coherent, and you supported them with solid examples. However, try to use more concrete, real-world examples to make your points more convincing.
Task Achievement
The response provided is complete and has a clear stance throughout the essay, addressing all parts of the task. However, some points were slightly repetitive, and you could benefit from diversifying your points a bit more to provide a more comprehensive response.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • remuneration
  • financial security
  • motivation
  • luxuries
  • material possessions
  • fulfillment
  • work-life balance
  • stress levels
  • mental well-being
  • job security
What to do next:
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