IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The working week should be shorter and workers should have a longer weekend. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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As the world changes the working culture has
also
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 changed a lot when compared to traditional
ways
Use synonyms
 of working. I am supportive that the employees should have minimum days of
work
Use synonyms
 and maximum time for a week off. During
this
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 essay, we will discuss more towards
this
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further
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 and will explore it with my personal knowledge and experience.
Firstly
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, let us recap the
ways
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 of the traditional approach, in those days our
parents
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 used to go to
work
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 in the morning and back home in the evening till Monday to Friday sometimes even Saturday,
this
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 is what we have followed for quite some decades. During those times our grandparents
were taken
Wrong verb form
took
show examples
 care of us, and we had quite a
little day
Fix the agreement mistake
few days
show examples
 to foster during weekends from our
parents
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,
due to
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this
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 we did not have much to carry from our
parents
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.
Wit
Correct your spelling
With
show examples
this
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 subject, there was an article mentioned with analysis as a nuclear family has expending everywhere it is good to have minimum workday and maximum weekend so that
parents
Use synonyms
 will have sufficient time to take care of their children and they foster them will love and carrying,
due to
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 which the children will not be lost the
parents
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 love in the early stages of life.
Additionally
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, as technology evolves, new
ways
Use synonyms
 of
work
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 bring benefits to meet the financial needs of the nuclear family. In today’s world, the single breadwinner is not sufficient to meet the family expenses. The new
ways
Use synonyms
 of
work
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 have opened an avenue to
work
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 in multiple organizations within a week with full energy and take a rest at the weekend as most organisations have turned up for
work
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-from-home options.
This
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 will help our current generation of
parents
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 support each other by sharing their time for family growth both in finance and emotional support. I have seen most of my friends
following
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this
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 pattern and running their families. In conclusion, considering the welfare of the family and children's growth, I completely agree
to
Change preposition
with working
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work
Use synonyms
 minimum during the weekday and
spend
Wrong verb form
spending
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 the rest of the day with their own loved ones which I lack in
this
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 generation,
this
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 pattern will fill
this
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 gap for the betterment of life.

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Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt and presents a clear opinion, but the arguments could be developed further with more depth and clarity to strengthen the response. Consider providing additional examples or explanations to support your points more convincingly.
Coherence and Cohesion
While there is a basic structure to the essay, transitions between ideas could be improved for better flow. Using clearer linking phrases will help the reader follow your argument more easily. Consider connecting your paragraphs more clearly and ensuring each part of your argument relates well to the main thesis.
Language Use
Make sure to proofread for grammatical issues and typos. For example, phrases like 'minimum days of work' could be clearer as 'fewer working days' or 'shorter workweeks'. Take care to maintain consistent terminology throughout your essay to enhance clarity and professionalism.
Task Achievement
You have a clear position on the topic and reasons to support your viewpoint, which is essential for achieving a good task response score.
Content
You draw on personal knowledge and experience, which adds a relatable element to your argument and shows engagement with the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • productivity
  • burnout
  • motivation
  • mental well-being
  • work-life balance
  • job satisfaction
  • pollution levels
  • traffic congestion
  • consumer spending
  • economic implications
  • leisure and service sectors
What to do next:
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