IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

It is better to take any job than to be unemployed. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#job
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Some people think that taking any job is a more favourable option than remaining jobless. In my opinion, I partially agree with the given statement, and I will elaborate on it in
this
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 essay. On the one hand, today, our industry has developed, and we can choose various kinds of jobs.
As a result
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, when individuals want to earn some money, they can get a position easier than in the past. If they just stay in their house and do not endeavour, it is not good for their health
as well as
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 social relationships.
For example
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, in South Korea, numerous young generations want to go to big companies like Samsung, LG and Korean Air.
However
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, those companies hire only a few nations so most young folks stay in their house a long time.
Consequently
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,
this
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 phenomenon affects their parents and they disconnect from their society, which is a negative effect for them.
Therefore
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, they should take any job because it helps their health and can be independent from their parent so it is beneficial for them.
On the other hand
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, some communities do not want to get any task because they have prepared jobs that they want
such
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 as public
officer
Use synonyms
, police
officer
Use synonyms
 and fire
officer
Use synonyms
.
For instance
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, in South Korea, many young individuals want to be public officers because they are afraid about their future lives and the public
officer
Use synonyms
 can work until age 60, which is guaranteed by the government.
In addition
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, they think that working
while
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 studying is too hard for them and cannot concentrate on their study, they think it hurts them.
For
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this
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 reason, taking any business depends on people's situation. In conclusion, I partially agree with
this
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 topic. People who want to earn money right now will take any career.
Conversely
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, some communities who want to get a job in public office, do not want to earn money because they want to concentrate on their studies. So, we should choose depending on our situation and that will be good for us.
Submitted by livewire53 on

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task achievement
You have provided a clear and comprehensive response to the task. However, it would be beneficial to further develop your arguments with more specific examples and evidence.
coherence cohesion
Your essay demonstrates a logical structure and coherence. The ideas are presented in a clear and organized manner. However, you could improve the introduction and conclusion by providing a stronger thesis statement and summarizing your main points.
lexical resource
Your use of vocabulary is generally effective, but there are opportunities to expand your range and use more varied and precise vocabulary.
grammatical range
Your grammatical range is sufficient, but there are some instances of grammatical errors and sentence structure issues. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement and sentence construction.
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