Some people think that success is mainly measured by how much money a person has. To what extent do you agree?

Global
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The global
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economic situation leads individuals to be more functional and make more
money
for a living.
Thus
,
people
may consider
Correct article usage
the amounts
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amounts
Fix the agreement mistake
amount
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of wealth as an important factor for
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
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succeed
Replace the word
success
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.
Although
this
attitude could be accurate somehow, I believe that there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
more than one cause to call a
person
"successful". Nowadays,
people
are tend
Change the verb form
tend
show examples
to make
money
to improve their
wellbeing
Correct your spelling
well-being
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.
Following
this
, large amounts of income could provide more opportunities for a
person
to benefit from
healthier
Correct article usage
a healthier
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body and mind. But
people
with low earnings can endeavour to build a superior
life
.
For instance
, physical exercises
such
as
briskly
Change the word
brisk
show examples
walking, running
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
etc. are free and they cause
increasing
Wrong verb form
an increase in
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the amounts of Dopamine in
brain
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the brain
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that prevent mind and body illnesses.
Hence
,
achieve
Wrong verb form
achieving
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health, itself, is an important goal for humans and it is
also
possible for poor
people
to reach that and find a sense of
fulfillment
Change the spelling
fulfilment
show examples
and
success
in their lives.
Furthermore
,
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
is one
Verb problem
are
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another
factors
Fix the agreement mistake
factor
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of
success
which
people
are concerned about
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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more than
money
. Many
people
who have established successful companies and now they are rich, suffer from
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
of close-knit relationships in their lives.
For example
, a wealthy
person
needs an urgent surgery, he or she probably chooses the most professional
surgent
Correct your spelling
surgery
show examples
and hospital but maybe
this
person
spends the recovery period alone because he or she hasn't any close friends to ask them
aid
Change preposition
for aid
show examples
. Being in a friendly
relations
Replace the word
relationship
show examples
with
people
is satisfactory
due to
human being social and emotional needs.
As a result
, having strong relationships is one of the keys to
be
Wrong verb form
being
show examples
successful in
life
and it doesn't depend on how much
money
you have but it
rely
Change the verb form
relies
show examples
on social skills. In conclusion,
economy
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the economy
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has
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
considerably changed
people
Change noun form
people's
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attitudes towards
life
and
success
. A significant amount of individuals think
money
is the most necessary aspect of their
wellbeing
Correct your spelling
well-being
show examples
and they evaluate themselves and others by
range
Add an article
a range
the range
show examples
of wealth.
Whereas
,I believe
success
has different meanings to anyone. So,
people
may concentrate on other sides of
life
and develop themselves in those ways to feel successful.
Submitted by nikimohamadi72 on

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • success
  • financial wealth
  • measurement
  • achievements
  • entrepreneurs
  • personal fulfillment
  • philanthropy
  • accomplishments
  • well-being
  • material possessions
  • status symbol
  • indicators
  • self-actualization
  • monetary gains
  • non-materialistic
  • social impact
  • status
  • fulfillment
  • aspiration
  • well-off
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