In many parts of the world, children and teenagers are spending more and more of their time indoors. What do you think are the causes of this problem? What measures could best be taken to solve it?
These days, many of the younger generation tend to spend their
time
in their rooms. Although
there are lots of amusement facilities to entertain people
due to
recent technological developments, this
lifestyle has brought some problems to youngsters. This
essay will examine some of these problems in detail and propose some solutions.
One of the main causes of the problem
is that the Internet has provided almost everything for people
without the need to leave their homes. For example
, my friends used to buy their coffee from this
cafe near our university, but recently they purchased it through the Internet. The reason is that it is much easier and saves time
for them. To tackle this
issue, the government should slow the pace of life
, especially in big cities, in order to give people
more time
to spend on these activities.
Another problem
is that people
have been living lazily and become couch potatoes. What I mean is that most young people
do not have a passion for life
and try to do something great in their life
. Fix the agreement mistake
lives
This
has made many fields stagnate and without improvements. The way forward to this
problem
is to educate children about the aim of life
and the importance of having a goal in life
.
The third cause of the problem
is that the health condition of many young people
is awful. This
is because they tend not to exercise, so most of them are suffering from diseases, including obesity and asthma. A solution is for the teachers and parents to be aware of being active and doing exercise.
To sum up
, despite the fact that many young people
suffer from many issues because of leading an awful lifestyle, this
situation can be tackled. The government, parents, and teachers can tackle the problem
by making life
easier, educating children about the importance of life
and encouraging them to exercise.In many parts of the world, children and teenagers are spending more and more of their time
indoors.
What do you think are the causes of this
problem
?
What measures could best be taken to solve it?Submitted by Shahdadi.m76 on
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task achievement
Your essay covers the causes and solutions effectively, but it could benefit from more specific examples to strengthen your arguments. Adding specific details or case studies can make your points more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
While your essay is well-organized, some transitions between paragraphs could be smoother. Try using more varied transitional phrases to improve the flow.
supported main points
Ensure that all your main points are equally supported with evidence. Some arguments are well-developed, but others could use more elaboration.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction clearly states the issue and what the essay will cover. This sets a clear expectation for the reader.
logical structure
You have a logical structure to your essay, with distinct paragraphs focusing on different points. This makes it easy to follow your argument.
supported main points
Your main points are relevant to the topic and each paragraph focuses on a single idea, which helps in maintaining clarity.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.