IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Doctors recommend that older people exercise regularly. However, many of them do not get enough exercise. What are the reasons? What can be done to encourage them to exercise more?

#doctors #people #exercise
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Nowadays, elder
people
Use synonyms
 should
be encourage
Change the verb form
be encouraged
show examples
 to
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
exercise regularly.
However
Linking Words
, there are numerous reasons and there are certain measures to be taken to resolve the problem. One of the main causes of the problems is that old
people
Use synonyms
 cannot complete
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
certain exercises
due to
Linking Words
Use synonyms
health
Correct article usage
the health
show examples
 status of their
organism
Fix the agreement mistake
organs
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, since aged do not have enough stamina and not enough
knowledges
Change the wording
knowledge
pieces of knowledge
bits of knowledge
show examples
 about how to do exercises.
As a result
Linking Words
, they
left
Wrong verb form
leave
show examples
 it on the
mid way
Correct your spelling
midway
show examples
 of exercise, so, it is
reason
Add an article
the reason
show examples
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 deteriorating
health
Use synonyms
. The solution is for the older
people
Use synonyms
 to keep with them young
volunteers
Change the noun form
volunteer
show examples
 helpers, which would decrease the failures in the process and get some
advices
Change the wording
advice
pieces of advice
bits of advice
show examples
by
Change preposition
from
show examples
exprienced
Correct your spelling
experienced
persons
Replace the word
people
show examples
. Another reason is that
old
Correct article usage
the old
show examples
 community tend to think do not
commit
Fix the infinitive
to commit
show examples
 anything for themselves. What I mean here is that they have worked many hours in
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 previous jobs. In that case, there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 a couple of opinions that express
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
arguments to do not nothing in their
lifes
Correct your spelling
lives
show examples
. To tackle
this
Linking Words
issues
Fix the agreement mistake
issue
show examples
, pensioners ought to revise
outlook
Correct pronoun usage
their outlook
show examples
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 individual experience, in order to
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
not stop any activities
refering
Correct your spelling
referring
 to past experience. A third cause of the problem is that there is no
opportunite
Correct your spelling
opportunity
 to do
this
Linking Words
.
This
Linking Words
 means that some
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
pensioners have part-time
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 to
just
Rephrase
apply
show examples
survive in the modern city
due to
Linking Words
 small
pension
Fix the agreement mistake
pensions
show examples
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
underdeveloped countries. The way forward could be to enhance the pension to
ability do
Verb problem
apply
show examples
not
apply
Add the preposition
forapply
show examples
 extra part-time jobs and pay attention
about
Change preposition
to
show examples
health
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, many of them do not get enough
movements
Fix the agreement mistake
movement
show examples
due to
Linking Words
such
Linking Words
 reasons as
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
health
Use synonyms
 status, they do not commit anything for themselves and there
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 no
no
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
opportunites
Correct your spelling
opportunities
. My view is that the main responsibility for solving the problem lies with the
people
Use synonyms
 and mentality.
Submitted by dnm.best on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • motivation
  • physical limitations
  • lack of time
  • fear of injury
  • exercise facilities
  • misunderstanding
  • benefits of exercise
  • social support
  • poor health conditions
  • awareness
  • appropriate exercises
  • guidance
  • financial constraints
What to do next:
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