IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In some countries, university students live away from home and in another city while studying. Do you think the disadvantages outweigh the advantages of living in another city?

#countries #university #students #home #city
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In recent years, the world has developed rapidly, and higher
education
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 has expanded globally. Under these circumstances, several
students
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 have to move to another city
due to
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 the lack of qualified institutions in their homeland.
While
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 plenty of
students
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 attend university in another city, others prefer staying with their parents. As far as I am concerned, the benefits of living away from
home
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 can outweigh the drawbacks. To kick things off, pupils far from their parents possess more responsibilities, which may directly put them one step back in academic success compared to the
students
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 taking over fewer responsibilities in their own comfort zone.
For instance
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, these
students
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 must ponder meals for the day, bills for the house, and cleaning.
Consequently
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, they have less time to focus on their classes.
Therefore
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, their academic success is more on the rocks than the
students
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 enjoying the merits of
education
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 in their homeland. To illustrate,
according to
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 one of the magazines, 20
percent
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per cent
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 of these
home
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-away
students
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 quit their
education
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 owing to struggling with financial responsibilities in Turkey every year.
On the other hand
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, living away from one’s
home
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 has a variety of benefits too. Having observed the adults with excellent achievements pursuing university in different cities, it is highly noticeable that they have sharpened their skills at challenging
life
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 problems at younger ages.
Besides
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, they have developed their comprehension skills to play the game of
life
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 with mastery. Because of
this
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 fact, studying away from
home
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 creates more confident people who can deal with the difficulties of
life
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.
For instance
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, my father is one of these accomplished
students
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 who skyrocketed his career thanks to the challenging obstacles throughout his university
education
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 in a distinct city. In conclusion, obtaining a valuable
education
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 away from
home
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 has obviously both pros and cons. Provided a youngster maintains the ability to survive under these conditions, their probability of gaining accomplishment in
life
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 increases.
As a result
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, the benefits of studying away from
home
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 are countless when it comes to building self-confidence and self-discipline.
Submitted by haticecoza on

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Task Response
Your introduction lacks a clear thesis statement. Make sure to clearly express your opinion on the topic in the introduction.
Coherence and Cohesion
There is a good overall progression and connection of ideas, but your essay could benefit from more cohesive devices such as linking words and cohesive phrases to improve the flow of your ideas.
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