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Writing Samples
Band 6

Many people believe that studying at university is the best way to develop oneself, learn new skills and find a well-paid job. Other people believe that more is learned from getting a job straight away after school and leaning whilst working. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #university #skills #job #school #whilst
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Many people argue that learning at a
university
Use synonyms
 is the best option for obtaining new skill sets to promote self-development and ease the process of finding a well-paid occupation.
However
Linking Words
, others believe that by working straight away after school, learning by doing can be performed,
thus
Linking Words
 more knowledge and
skills
Use synonyms
 are obtained. I personally agree with the first argument because universities can provide
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
students
Use synonyms
 with better preparation before entering their career life. It is true that universities can provide knowledge and
skills
Use synonyms
 development for their
students
Use synonyms
. The formal curriculum provides pupils not only theoretical explanations
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
Linking Words
 real-life practices to create social impacts. In Indonesia, public
university
Use synonyms
students
Use synonyms
 are obligated to perform a social program intended to bring prosperity to rural areas. By participating in
this
Linking Words
 event,
students
Use synonyms
 can implement the things they have learned based on their major.
However
Linking Words
, another opinion is that the years spent
to study
Change the verb form
studying
show examples
 at a formal education institute can be used to train new recruits in a company with the right and specific
skills
Use synonyms
. It is often
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
we see graduates from a renowned
university
Use synonyms
 must adapt to the
skills
Use synonyms
 needed in the industry.
For instance
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, nowadays, companies are opening a lot of development programs for fresh graduates.
This
Linking Words
 indicates that the
skills
Use synonyms
 offered by the candidates do not match what the industry needs. As a conclusion, studying at a
university
Use synonyms
 may be preferable as it prepares the
students
Use synonyms
 before entering their career by providing access towards knowledge and
skills
Use synonyms
.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, working straight away may create possibilities for
labors
Replace the word
labourers
show examples
 to learn the right
specification
Fix the agreement mistake
specifications
show examples
 needed.
Submitted by muhammadraditya9 on

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task achievement
Your essay successfully addresses both viewpoints and provides a clear opinion. Make sure to delve a bit deeper into specific examples for better substantiation of your points.
coherence cohesion
Ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs and ideas for better flow and readability. You are nearly there but some sections feel slightly disjointed.
coherence cohesion
Avoid minor grammatical and phrasing errors for more clarity and precision. For example, 'do we see' should be 'we see'. Minor issues like this slightly affect readability.
introduction
Your introduction is clear and sets up the essay well, succinctly presenting both sides of the argument and stating your own position.
conclusion
The conclusion effectively summarizes your main points and gives a clear final statement on your stance.
task achievement
You provide a balanced discussion of both views, which is excellent for a task of this nature.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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