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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people say that the experience a child has before starting school has the most influence on their future life. Others say experience as a teenager is more influential. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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In today's sophisticated world, it is very important for a person to have a good aura around his child. But, some people believe that babies must have
experience
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 before the start of school.
On the other hand
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, many individuals say that teenagers as a strong influence on the
future
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. In my opinion, both views have their positive and negative side but as far as I am concerned the
experience
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 of middle-school students is more influential. To commence with the first notion, there is a myriad of
things
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 to be shared.
Firstly
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, many citizens of different parts of the country believe that a small baby can grasp more and more information in their mind. To Elaborate, Toddlers at the age of three years as a very strong mind and can learn many more
things
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 which can influence their
future
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.
For example
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, the article in the Times of India shows that
,
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apply
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 children below the age of five can learn around 3 to 4 languages which can be very helpful when they up up.
Thus
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, there are many
things
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 that can be very helpful for the upcoming time of infants like never giving up if they fall and never losing hope. On the paradoxical side, there are certain tribes that still believe that High school students can have more
experience
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 than the younger ones which can lead to a great
future
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 ahead. To simplify, teenagers know what
thing
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things
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is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 good and what
things
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 are bad for them , So they can think with a fully conscious mind and gain a lot of
experience
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 which can be helpful for the upcoming decades.
For instance
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, a 12-standard student can gain
experience
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 through learning commerce which can be very helpful for
further
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 studies.
As a result
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, It is very important for a teenager to gather more and more information and collect experiences which will be helpful in the upcoming time.
To conclude
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, Both the views as their positive and negative sides.But I strongly believe that teenagers have more influence which can decide the
future
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 than the newborn

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Sentence Structure
To further enhance your essay, consider incorporating varied and complex sentence structures to add depth to your arguments. Although your ideas are clear, diversity in sentence construction can make your writing even more engaging.
Use of Examples
While your examples are relevant, integrating real-world examples or statistics could strengthen your argument and provide concrete evidence to support your points.
Grammar and Spelling
Pay attention to minor grammatical errors and typos to ensure the clarity and professionalism of your writing. Proofreading your work can help identify and rectify these minor issues.
Task Achievement
Your essay effectively discusses both views and provides a clear, personal stance, fulfilling the task requirement excellently.
Coherence and Cohesion
The organization of your essay is logical, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs for each viewpoint, and a conclusion. This structure aids in the reader's understanding.
Topic Sentences
You have used topic sentences effectively to introduce the main idea of each paragraph, allowing the reader to follow your argument easily.
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