IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

some people argue that because the internet make it so easy for children to access facts, schools should not focus on teaching facts. instead they should focus on developing children's skills and potential, and their relationships with other people. to what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In the technology
era
Add a comma
era,
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 anybody has access to the Internet particularly,
children
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 are adept
to
Change preposition
at
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 it. Many individuals think that improving
students
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'
potentials
Fix the agreement mistake
potential
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 and social
skills
Use synonyms
 is more effective than teaching
facts
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 to them. I completely agree with
this
Linking Words
 idea and
this
Linking Words
 essay will discuss my views.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the Internet is available on any gadget and it presents factual information to
children
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 in any subject that they need to learn. YouTube is an example of an online tool, which covers the full range of practical and new content based on modern educational approaches.
Also
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, if
students
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 with special learning abilities or issues shift away from fact-based teaching to online resources, they could benefit from various types of subjects and methods to reach their goals.
Hence
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, it would not be necessary to teach
facts
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 to
students
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 because they have a better option for learning in modern education.
Furthermore
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, improving special
skills
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 in
children
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 could be more beneficial in new societies.
Due to
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 today's job market needs it is important to put more emphasis on developing social and functional
skills
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.
For example
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, computer science, leadership qualities, emotional and social
skills
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, etc. could considerably prepare
students
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 for being
a
Correct article usage
apply
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professional employees.
What today's
Correct pronoun usage
Today's
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 world needs people who are productive and can function with
high potential
Add a hyphen
high-potential
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 qualities
such
Linking Words
 as teamwork, negotiation, and delegation. So it is a better alternative for schools to move away from teaching
facts
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 and toward skill-based teaching. In conclusion, schools should be more productive and focus on
skills
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 because it is what
children
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 really need to learn. focusing on
facts
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 only can grow people who are great in a few aspects. it would have superior results for our modern lives if schools
change
Wrong verb form
changed
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 their teaching approaches.

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task achievement
Your essay presents a clear position throughout the response. Yet, the extent of your agreement could be more specifically explained to enhance the effectiveness of your argument.
task achievement
Try to provide concrete examples and evidence from credible sources to support your main points. This could involve citing educational studies or statistics, which would lend more weight to your argument.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is apparent, but it could be improved by creating well-defined paragraphs with clear topic sentences. Additionally, work on the cohesion between sentences and paragraphs using a wider range of linking words.
coherence cohesion
Your essay includes an introduction and a conclusion, but they could be developed further. The introduction could better outline the main points that will be discussed, and the conclusion might summarize them more effectively while reinforcing your viewpoint.
coherence cohesion
Main points are present, yet they lack full development through examples and elaboration. Elaborating on points with examples or further explanation will strengthen your paragraph structure.
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