Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information , such as their hobbies and interests , and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful . Others disagree Discuss both views and give your own opnions.

There is no denying the fact that there are many
employers
who ask
people
for their personal
information
and they see it
very
Change preposition
as very
show examples
good to know for their own reasons but there are
people
who disagree.
While
it is a commonly held belief that
employers
who want to know the personal
information
of other
people
, there is
also
an argument that there are
people
disagree with
this
.
This
essay will discuss both points of view and express my opinion. On the one hand, it is beneficial
as
Change preposition
for
show examples
an employer to know the personal
information
of other
people
who want to apply for the jobs.
In other words
,
employers
need to know everything about you to know how you will react in every situation.
In addition
,
employers
want to know if you are married or not to analyse your daily routine.
For example
, Cambridge University did a study about
if
Correct word choice
whether
show examples
employers
benefit from asking other
people
about their personal
information
, they said that 89% of
employers
found it beneficial to know their daily routine.
On the other hand
, many
people
see it in another way. It is
also
possible to say that
people
who ask for jobs say that it is unnecessary to let other
employers
know about your life.
Moreover
, many
people
do not have anything to share so they find it embarrassing.
For instance
, in Saudi Arabia most
employers
ask you if you have any hobbies to share because they want to see if you have a social life, 59% see it as a bad question. In conclusion, there are no easy answers to
this
question. On balance,
however
, I tend to believe that it is important to let
employers
ask
people
who want the jobs about your daily routine or hobbies to see if you deserve the job or not.
Submitted by bcynfn159 on

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task response
Your essay addresses the task effectively by discussing both views and providing your opinion. However, try to expand on your reasoning slightly more in the body paragraphs to enhance clarity.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph seamlessly connects to the next. You've done a good job but could improve the logical flow by using transition words like 'furthermore' or 'consequently.'
introduction conclusion
You have clearly introduced the topic in the introduction and provided a balanced conclusion, which is a strong point of your essay.
logical structure
The essay demonstrates a logical structure with both perspectives discussed before concluding with your opinion.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural fit
  • teamwork
  • workplace harmony
  • commitment
  • stability
  • job performance
  • discrimination
  • biased hiring practices
  • lifestyle choices
  • privacy invasion
  • relevant
  • professionalism
  • legal implications
  • strict regulations
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