IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

The range of technology available to people is increasing the gap between the rich and the poor. Other think it has an opposite effect. Discuss both view and give your opinions.

#range #technology #people #gap #effect
Nowadays, the range of available
technology
 has expanded, leading to a clear hierarchy between poor and rich and some
people
 think that it can
give
Verb problem
have
show examples
 more positive effects. From my point of view,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 believe that it has more advantages. On the one hand, there are many reasons why
people
 think the growing range of available
technology
increase
Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
show examples
 the gap between rich and poor. With the advancements in
automation
Add a comma
automation,
show examples
 there are many things which cannot be afforded by various groups of
people
.
For instance
, in many rich
houses
Add a comma
houses,
show examples
 there is artificial intelligence in their homes to help household chores with voice work, which not everyone can buy.
Furthermore
, apart from
mobiles
Add a comma
mobiles,
show examples
 there are many modern treatments which could be costly so it has many
improverished
Correct your spelling
impoverished
people
 who are losing their life because they cannot afford to pay for treatments.
For example
, there are many poor children who are affected by deadly diseases are dying because they are poor and cannot pay high prices for their treatments.
On the other hand
,
this
 elevation in mechanization and computers can bring more advantages to all classes of
people
 who are living because some top organisations whose primary priority are their customers rather than cost.
For instance
, many hospitals in my city give a fifty
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 discount to those who have health insurance.
Besides
 that, there are many services so that all classes can access
technology
.
For example
, many
technology
 stores
all
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
have
installment
Change the spelling
instalment
show examples
 payment services for
technology
 items. In conclusion,
although
 the growth of the range of available
technology
 increases the
gat
Correct your spelling
gap
show examples
 between the rich and the poor, there are many advantages for all
people
 .
Submitted by khoiminhnguyen1411 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Response
Ensure that the introduction clearly presents the main topic and the viewpoint. Also, develop a clearer conclusion at the end of the essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Focus on using more cohesive devices and linkers to connect ideas. Additionally, make sure to structure the essay with an introductory paragraph, body paragraphs, and a concluding paragraph.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: