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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many people think that every individual is responsible for their happiness, but some people believe that there are other external factors that influence us. Discuss both views and give your own oppinion

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It is often argued that every
person
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 is solely accountable for their own happiness
while
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 others emphasise that there are some external components that can cause a great sense of attainment. Because
People
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 interpret happiness for themselves in so many different ways it is difficult to give any clear explanation
that is
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 true for everyone. A
person
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 should be aware of things which make him/her happy. It is not uncommon that communities with posh cars, designer clothes and tons of money remain unsatisfied and unhappy despite the fact they have everything that any regular human could hardly afford. In simple words, if there are various kinds of fulfilment for different
people
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then
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 the first step in achieving would be to have a degree of self-knowledge. A human needs to know who he or she is before being able to know what can make him or her. In recent study concluded that over 55% of
people
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 in metro cities who live a lavish
life
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 are struggling with mental and psychological issues. Nothing in
this
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 world can make somebody happier than his own mindset.
Therefore
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, they need to work on themselves before expecting joy from materialistic things.
Nevertheless
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, Factors
such
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 as loving relationships, good health, the skills to earn ,and a peaceful
life
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 can impact
people
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's lives. Some
people
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 find joy in achieving goals and promotion in their jobs. Some would find it in costly amenities. Some think travelling makes their soul light. It is a subjective matter of what can make a
person
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 happy.
Overall
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 I think an ability to keep a clear perspective in
life
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 is an essential factor in living a happy
life
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. By that I mean an ability to have a clear sense of what is important in our lives is all you need to retain satisfaction in
life
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. In conclusion, I believe that
person
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 should take responsibility
of
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for
show examples
 their own peace of mind.
Therefore
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,self-awareness is the most important thing which is hard to gain I think these are factors that may be the most important for everyone.

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task response
Ensure that the introduction clearly presents the two opposing views on the topic and your own opinion. Pay attention to structuring your essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs with supporting examples, and a conclusion that summarizes your main points.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical progression of your ideas by using transition words and cohesive devices to connect your sentences and paragraphs. Additionally, ensure that your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points made in the essay.
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