IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some feel governments should invest primarily in educating the young, while others feel this is not a good use of resources. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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It is argued that
governments
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 should prioritize investing in
youth
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education
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,
while
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 others think that there are more pressing areas where resources should be allocated.
Although
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 investing in
youth
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education
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 brings long-term benefits, I believe that other sectors,
such
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 as
healthcare
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, require more immediate attention.  Some would argue that government investment in
youth
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education
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 would significantly benefit the country by producing skilled professionals
such
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 as engineers, doctors, and teachers.
This
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 is to say that a well-educated workforce can drive innovation, economic growth, and
overall
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 national prosperity.
For instance
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, Finland prioritizes
youth
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education
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, and
as a result
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, it boasts one of the highest literacy rates in the world, contributing to its strong economy.
However
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,
while
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education
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 is undeniably important, I believe that
healthcare
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 should be given greater priority, as a healthy population is essential for sustaining long-term national development.
Governments
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 should prioritize urgent issues like public
healthcare
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, as is a pressing concern.
This
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 is because
well-functioning
Correct article usage
a well-functioning
show examples
healthcare
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 system ensures that citizens receive timely medical treatment.
However
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, in many countries, long hospital wait times pose a major challenge.
For instance
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, in Canada, patients often wait for 3-4 months just to see a doctor, which is unacceptable for those who have urgent medical conditions.
Therefore
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, I think that addressing
healthcare
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 challenges should be a top priority for
governments
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 to ensure timely medical attention for all citizens.  In conclusion,
while
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youth
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education
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 plays a crucial role in
country’s
Correct article usage
the country’s
show examples
 long-term development, I believe that
governments
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 should prioritize more urgent issues like
healthcare
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. After all, a nation’s prosperity ultimately depends on the health of its people.

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Task Achievement
While your essay presents a clear opinion, make sure to address both views more equally. Try to define each side more explicitly before stating your own view.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay has a good logical structure, but ensure that each paragraph flows seamlessly into the next. For example, you can use transition words to help guide the reader.
Task Achievement
The examples you provide are relevant, but a few more specific details or statistics could strengthen your points, especially regarding the importance of education.
Structure
Your introduction clearly sets the stage for the discussion, and your conclusion effectively summarizes your main point.
Content
You have presented relevant examples that help underline your perspectives on both education and healthcare.
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