IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Some feel governments should invest primarily in educating the young, while others feel this is not a good use of resources. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Some people think that
education
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 for the youth should be the priority of the government's investment plan,
while
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 others opine that resources should be utilized somewhere else.
Although
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education
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 would help a nation to progress, I believe that investment priority should be given to the
health
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sector
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.   On the one hand, a country would prosper by means of government funding for the
education
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sector
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 as it would result in an increasing literacy level.
This
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 is because, with the greater number of literate youngsters, more doctors, lawyers, teachers, and engineers would be produced by the nation, which would
further
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 contribute towards fostering the nation’s growth around every
sector
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 of life.
For instance
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, Finland is a prime example, where authorities invest a good amount of money by providing scholarships and free
education
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 to all citizens, which
as a result
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 has made the country stand out with the maximum literacy level among other nations.
However
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, I would argue that the
health
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sector
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 should be primarily invested in by the administration.  
On the other hand
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, the
health
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sector
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 should be prioritized by authorities as it is one of the major pressing concerns of citizens.
That is
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 to say that in hospitals, patients have to wait for months to get an appointment with the doctor, even those with major
health
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 issues
such
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 as cancer, diabetes, and asthma.
Therefore
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, authorities should allocate funds to hospitals for the upgradation of their services as the healthy lives of people should be considered in the first place.  
For instance
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, nowadays, waiting times to see a doctor in Canada are normally considered from three to four months.
For
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this
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 reason, I think that
health
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 is more important than educating the youth.  In conclusion, government funds should be primarily allocated towards
health
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 departments, despite the fact that educating the youth would bring success to the nation because I believe that for a person, being alive and healthy is far more important than being literate.

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coherence
Make sure to clearly state your position in the introduction and consistently support it throughout the essay to enhance task achievement.
cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next to improve the overall coherence of the essay.
structure
The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, demonstrating a well-rounded structure.
examples
You provided relevant examples, like the case of Finland, to support your arguments.
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