Many children these days have an unhealthy lifestyle. Both schools and parents are responsible for solving this problem. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

#children #lifestyle #schools #parents

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I totally agree with the statement that both

parents

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and

schools

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are responsible for helping their

children

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to live

Change preposition

apply

show examples

a healthy

lifestyle

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. I would say that the

parents

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should be in charge of more responsibility than

schools

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. I would like to explain it in the following three points.

First,

Linking Words

we need to think of the reasons why

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

children

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would live an unhealthy

lifestyle

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. It could be they learn unhealthy

behaviors

Change the spelling

behaviours

show examples

from their

parents

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first.

For example

Linking Words

, one of my friends's

kid

Fix the agreement mistake

kids

show examples

sleeps really late, at around 12 am. I found that his

parents

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always stay up late at night too, either watching YouTube videos or playing video games, which

attrack

Correct your spelling

attract

attack

the kid a lot. He always stays late with his

parents

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as well and goes to bed after his

parents

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turn off all the devices. I would say in

this

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case, the

parents

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should be fully responsible for

this

Linking Words

unhealthy late sleeping habit because they keep the child awake. The

parents

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should live a healthy

lifestyle

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first,

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and play a role model for their

children

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to solve

this

Linking Words

problem.

Second,

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I think

parents

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spend more time with their

children

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compared to

schools

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. If we talk about the

children

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in K-12

schools

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, they normally go to school around 9 am and get released at 3 pm. They will spend the rest of their day with

the

Change the word

their

show examples

parents

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, which is approximately eight hours. The

children

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will eat with their

parents

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Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

they

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

play with their

parents

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, and

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

they

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

do their assignments with

Correct pronoun usage

their

show examples

the

Change the word

their

show examples

parents

Use synonyms

. I would assume if the

children

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have

unhealthy

Add an article

an unhealthy

show examples

diet, they have to eat it because the

parents

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cook it for them. They

literaturelly

Correct your spelling

literally

do not have choices about what to eat and have to stay with what their

parents

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feed them. If we want to keep those kids with good eating

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lifestyle

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lifestyles

show examples

, we have to educate their

parents

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. In

this

Linking Words

case, the

parents

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should learn how to give their

children

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healthy meals to help them get used to a healthy

lifestyle

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Third,

Linking Words

the

schools

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also

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have their responsibilities as well. The reason why sending

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

children

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schools

Fix the agreement mistake

school

show examples

is to let them have the knowledge to live a healthy and wealthy life. The

schools

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should teach them what are good

habits

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and what are bad

habits

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so they are aware

Change preposition

that

show examples

a healthy

lifestyle

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can lead them to live longer and happier. The

schools

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should

also

Linking Words

provide some resources,

for example

Linking Words

, if the

children

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can eat at school, give them

Correct article usage

a nutritous

show examples

nutritous

Correct your spelling

nutritious

breakfast and lunch. It is

also

Linking Words

necessary that the

schools

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could

Verb problem

apply

show examples

teach

parents

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how to take care of their kids so the kids are not spoiled. It is not uncommon

that

Correct word choice

for

show examples

young

children

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develop

Fix the infinitive

to develop

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bad

habits

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and unhealthy

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lifestyle

Fix the agreement mistake

lifestyles

show examples

. To keep them healthy and happy, both

parents

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and

schools

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should make an effort to identify their unhealthy

behaviors

Change the spelling

behaviours

show examples

, teach them to live a healthy

lifestyle

Use synonyms

, and make sure they entirely get rid of

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

unhealthy

habits

Use synonyms

Submitted by billyzhu52 on Thu Sep 21 2023

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task response

The examples provided could be more specific and relevant to the discussion.

coherence cohesion

The logical structure and coherence should be improved, ensuring clear progression from one idea to another.

lexical resource

Use a wider range of vocabulary and expressions. Also, try to avoid repetition of words and phrases.

grammatical range

Work on using a variety of sentence structures and improve the accuracy of sentence constructions.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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6
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
26
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

490 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

unhealthy lifestyle
growing concern
crucial role
addressing this issue
promote healthy habits
educational programs
physical activities
establish healthy routines
nutritious meals
collaboration

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Many children these days have an unhealthy lifestyle. Both schools and parents are responsible for solving this problem. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

Include an introduction and conclusion

Some people think that the teenagers should concentrate all subjects at school. Others believe that teenagers should focus on the subject they are best at or they are most interested in. To what extend do you agree?

As countries develop, many people are able to purchase a car. Do you think that the advantages for the individual outweigh the disadvantages for the environment?

In the modern society, young people have a tendency of postponing their parenthood until late 30's or even early 40's. This essay shall deal with the reasons for this phenomenon and the effects this has on the families and societies.