Many children these days have an unhealthy lifestyle. Both schools and parents are responsible for solving this problem. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

#children #lifestyle #schools #parents

I totally agree with the statement that both

parents

and

schools

are responsible for helping their

children

to live

Change preposition

apply

show examples

a healthy

lifestyle

. I would say that the

parents

should be in charge of more responsibility than

schools

. I would like to explain it in the following three points.

First,

we need to think of the reasons why

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

children

would live an unhealthy

lifestyle

. It could be they learn unhealthy

behaviors

Change the spelling

behaviours

show examples

from their

parents

first.

For example

, one of my friends's

kid

Fix the agreement mistake

kids

show examples

sleeps really late, at around 12 am. I found that his

parents

always stay up late at night too, either watching YouTube videos or playing video games, which

attrack

Correct your spelling

attract

attack

the kid a lot. He always stays late with his

parents

as well and goes to bed after his

parents

turn off all the devices. I would say in

this

case, the

parents

should be fully responsible for

this

unhealthy late sleeping habit because they keep the child awake. The

parents

should live a healthy

lifestyle

first,

and play a role model for their

children

to solve

this

problem.

Second,

I think

parents

spend more time with their

children

compared to

schools

. If we talk about the

children

in K-12

schools

, they normally go to school around 9 am and get released at 3 pm. They will spend the rest of their day with

the

Change the word

their

show examples

parents

, which is approximately eight hours. The

children

will eat with their

parents

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

they

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

play with their

parents

, and

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

they

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

do their assignments with

Correct pronoun usage

their

show examples

the

Change the word

their

show examples

parents

. I would assume if the

children

have

unhealthy

Add an article

an unhealthy

show examples

diet, they have to eat it because the

parents

cook it for them. They

literaturelly

Correct your spelling

literally

do not have choices about what to eat and have to stay with what their

parents

feed them. If we want to keep those kids with good eating

lifestyle

Fix the agreement mistake

lifestyles

show examples

, we have to educate their

parents

. In

this

case, the

parents

should learn how to give their

children

healthy meals to help them get used to a healthy

lifestyle

Third,

the

schools

also

have their responsibilities as well. The reason why sending

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

children

schools

Fix the agreement mistake

school

show examples

is to let them have the knowledge to live a healthy and wealthy life. The

schools

should teach them what are good

habits

and what are bad

habits

so they are aware

Change preposition

that

show examples

a healthy

lifestyle

can lead them to live longer and happier. The

schools

should

also

provide some resources,

for example

, if the

children

can eat at school, give them

Correct article usage

a nutritous

show examples

nutritous

Correct your spelling

nutritious

breakfast and lunch. It is

also

necessary that the

schools

could

Verb problem

apply

show examples

teach

parents

how to take care of their kids so the kids are not spoiled. It is not uncommon

that

Correct word choice

for

show examples

young

children

develop

Fix the infinitive

to develop

show examples

bad

habits

and unhealthy

lifestyle

Fix the agreement mistake

lifestyles

show examples

. To keep them healthy and happy, both

parents

and

schools

should make an effort to identify their unhealthy

behaviors

Change the spelling

behaviours

show examples

, teach them to live a healthy

lifestyle

, and make sure they entirely get rid of

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

unhealthy

habits

Submitted by billyzhu52 on Thu Sep 21 2023

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response

The examples provided could be more specific and relevant to the discussion.

coherence cohesion

The logical structure and coherence should be improved, ensuring clear progression from one idea to another.

lexical resource

Use a wider range of vocabulary and expressions. Also, try to avoid repetition of words and phrases.

grammatical range

Work on using a variety of sentence structures and improve the accuracy of sentence constructions.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
26Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

490 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 checks
Get all the feedback you need to keep improving your charts and letters.
Unlimited Task 2 checks
Practice and perfect your skills with essays.
Personalized suggestions
Know how to boost your score.
Detailed mistakes analysis
Get instant feedback. Spot every mistake.
Topic ideas generator
Get topic-specific ideas to enhance your writing.
Vocabulary helper
Get the right words for any topic.
Progress tracking
Track your writing improvements.

Topic Vocabulary:

unhealthy lifestyle
growing concern
crucial role
addressing this issue
promote healthy habits
educational programs
physical activities
establish healthy routines
nutritious meals
collaboration

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

4.5
band
At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?
The question of whether the benefits of having a larger younger population, compared to the aged group in many nations, outweigh the drawbacks, has sparked a substantial discussion recently. While some advocate for this because it ensures enough workforce, others dispute it due to the increase in crime rates. Analyzing these facts would provide an extensive overview of this subject matter. On the one hand, a numerous younger population supports a diverse workforce, which is important for generating tax, vital for the nation’s growth and sustainability. For instance, if Nigeria lacks enough youths in the labor market, it would not be able to generate enough tax, which is essential for infrastructural development, as well as building public amenities. Obviously, countries would lack the required funds to run their affairs if it were not for taxpayer money. Therefore, one of the reasons why a large number of populations should be youths. On the other hand, cities with a majority of you...
6.5
band
eople believe that Generation Z (1997-2007) are more dishonest than previous generationsWhat are the reasons for this? Is this a positive or a negative
There is a common belief that Generation Z shows more dishonest behaviour compared to other generations. The writer considers that the focal reason for their dishonesty is the improvement of living standards. In light of this, it will have negative development for society as the quality of output workers will be demolished.
5.5
band
In the future all cars, buses and trucks will be driverless. The only people travelling inside these vehical will be passenger. Do you think the advantages of driverless vehicles outweigh the disadvantages?
Artificial Intelligence is already dominating almost all fields around the world. Driverless vehicles would be one of the aspects of technological advancements, which we could see in near future, and these vehicles would be responsible to carry people who are travelling from one place to another. In my opinion, positives of this would be more than negatives that I will discuss in my essay.
6.5
band
Some people think that social networking sites have a huge negative impact on both individuals and society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Over the last decade, social platforms have increasingly gained popularity around the world. These developments, therefore, have brought numerous harmful effects to society. Despite the many negative ramifications that may derive from the argument, social media is likely to be advantageous to both humans and communities due to valuable resources and good networking in work outlined below
6.5
band
This one beby, The world’s air pollution levels are rising year on year. What are the most pressing causes and effects of this disturbing trend?
Nowadays, The globe’s atmospheric pollution increased dramatically. In my opinion, the use of fossil fuels and the increasing of people using private automobiles to commute are two main causes. These factors will lead to poor air conditions globally which contribute to environmental and human well-being. In this essay, I will explain the two causes of poor air condition and the impact on our environment and human health.

Many children these days have an unhealthy lifestyle. Both schools and parents are responsible for solving this problem. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

Include an introduction and conclusion

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

eople believe that Generation Z (1997-2007) are more dishonest than previous generationsWhat are the reasons for this? Is this a positive or a negative

In the future all cars, buses and trucks will be driverless. The only people travelling inside these vehical will be passenger. Do you think the advantages of driverless vehicles outweigh the disadvantages?

Some people think that social networking sites have a huge negative impact on both individuals and society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

This one beby, The world’s air pollution levels are rising year on year. What are the most pressing causes and effects of this disturbing trend?