IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

There is too much noise in many public places in cities. What are the causes of this problem? What can be done to solve the problem?

#noise #places #cities
These days, numerous cities are noisy and
this
 is a controversial issue. In
this
 essay, the main facts and
solutions
 will be elaborated.
Initially
, there are two triggers named overpopulation and the
noise
 barrier of the architecture causes the
noise
 problem.
It is clear that
 more and more
people
 who are moving come to the urban area, and more and more
noise
 will be a problem. In terms of buildings, there is
noise
such
 as the voice and barking of pets and these sounds sometimes bother neighbours beyond the wall and houses. For these reasons, the current trend of
noise
 in rural areas is caused by overpopulation and the quality of buildings. Focusing on
solutions
 for subduing the
noise
 in rural areas, it is essential for both government and
people
 to make strategies. For the government, the appropriate public actions should be taken to decrease the percentage of urban inhabitants.
For instance
, it is best approach to give funds for freelancers to live or start businesses in the countryside in order to spread the population widely.
In addition
, it is
also
 worth for individuals to pay attention to the
noise
 barrier of their house in the case of moving into the city. By doing so, the elements which cause the
noise
 issue will be solved. In conclusion, there are two main reasons for generating
noise
 which are the number of urban
people
 and the quality of the architecture respectively, and
solutions
 for both governments and
people
 are
also
 mentioned in
this
 essay.
However
, there are more reasons which cause the
noise
 in cities, so it is important to consider more
solutions
 for solving
this
 matter.
Submitted by kanchanakularathna1991 on

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task achievement
Ensure that the response fully addresses all parts of the task. The essay should cover what the problem is, its causes, and potential solutions. The response provided only partially answers the question as examples provided are not entirely relevant or clearly explained.
task achievement
Ideas must be developed with specific and relevant examples. The response provided general ideas without supporting them with specific examples, such as factual information, personal experience, or statistical evidence to enhance the argument.
coherence cohesion
Maintain logical sequence throughout the essay. It is important that paragraphs follow a clear progression of ideas. The essay was somewhat logically structured with a clear introduction and conclusion but main points could have been better supported and linked to one another.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that the introduction and conclusion are clearly identifiable and complete. The introduction and conclusion were present and served their purpose, but the concluding paragraph could have been more impactful if it summarised the main points more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Main points need to be clearly presented and supported throughout the essay. While the writer attempted to present main points, they require clearer articulation and stronger supporting sentences.
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