Some people think that the government is responsible for looking after the elderly. Others believe that it should be family members. Who do you think should take responsibility?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There is a general consensus that the governmental subsidizing for retirement nursing
care
Use synonyms
is a worthy expenditure,
while
Linking Words
some people believe that family members should do
this
Linking Words
obligation. From my perspective, I still believe that adults should look after their grandparents. On the one hand, there are compelling stances on why nursing home payment is the government's responsibility.
Firstly
Linking Words
, they argue that the elderly paid income taxes and healthcare insurance to the national budget, so the elderly deserve healthcare services after retirement. The
further
Linking Words
reason is that the workforce in some core occupations,
such
Linking Words
as scientists and teachers, have sacrificed for the community.
As a result
Linking Words
, their contributions could justify their requirement and deserve to receive a better materialistic life.
Secondly
Linking Words
, family members cannot provide some indispensable special assistance compared to a professional nurse.
For instance
Linking Words
, from nurses' experience, they could understand some elderly' implicit demands, satisfying senior citizens in a comfortable way. A survey conducted in Japan's nursing centres indicated that retirees feel healthier and have better living standards after a month of hospitalisation.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some persuasive reasons beyond why family members should look after grandparents.
Initially
Linking Words
, the foremost opinion is adults have to present their filial piety through their activities rather than nursing payment without relatives' attention. Taking
care
Use synonyms
of grandparents was a worthy lesson for their children, which represents reciprocity in any human relationship. Adult feel the honour of obligation when they nurture their parent, which is a moral norm in any society.
Consequently
Linking Words
, these mentioned factors are a solid background to becoming a useful citizen.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
retirement homes can offer support, they may lack the personal connection and affection provided by family
care
Use synonyms
. Elderly individuals thrive in environments where they are surrounded by relatives and kinship concerns, especially those suffering from dementia or Alzheimer's disease. Family
care
Use synonyms
allows for a deeper understanding of the elderly's preferences and needs, fostering a more fulfilling and personalized caregiving experience.
To conclude
Linking Words
, despite some justifiable impetus behind
this
Linking Words
governmental responsibility includes better living standards.
However
Linking Words
, I still believe that caring at home is better than in senior centres as parents could teach their children about moral norms and human behaviours
while
Linking Words
expressing their filial piety through caring activities.
Submitted by lenam2k1 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

grammar
Be cautious of minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. For example, 'From my perspective, I still believe that adults should look after their grandparents' could be more smoothly phrased as 'In my view, it is the responsibility of family members to look after their elderly.'
writing style
Although your ideas are clear and comprehensive, enhancing the fluency and readability of your sentences will improve the essay. Try to use more varied sentence structures and avoid repetition.
argumentation
To make your argument stronger, consider addressing potential counterarguments more robustly. This will demonstrate your ability to consider other perspectives thoroughly.
content
The essay covers both perspectives thoroughly and provides a clear viewpoint, showcasing a good understanding of the topic.
structure
The introduction and conclusion are well-structured, clearly presenting the main idea and summarizing the arguments effectively.
evidence
Specific examples, such as the survey conducted in Japan's nursing centres, are relevant and add weight to the argument.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: