If some people get a chance to choose between life without work and spending most of the time working, then they would choose not to work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #chance #life #work #time

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Part of adult life includes working, which represents that

this

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is indispensable for everybody's lives. There could be a few that don'

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need to

work

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because they are rich and their parents gave them everything,

However

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, not working could be

not

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apply

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beneficial for society.

Therefore

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, I think everybody would choose to

work

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even if they don'

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need it.

Thus

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, I disagree with the statement. I will explain in the following paragraph why I think

this

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way. First of all, working makes the brain function all the

time

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Hence

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, keeping the brain active allows humans to be more intelligent and have more knowledge.

Additionally

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, being busy all the

time

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prevents the population from getting bored.

Secondly

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, by working we can make

money

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and get what we want.

For example

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, I've been working for many years and saving

money

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to get my dream house. I already have the down payment, which means that my dream is going to come true soon because of my hard

work

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Also

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, by having

money

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we can travel and go around the world during vacation

time

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. On the other side, people who don'

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work

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have multiple health problems

such

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as depression, being overweight, anger management, and more.

This

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happens because they don'

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have their mind busy with something and they are getting mental problems.

Also

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, they just stay at home and become sedentary.

To conclude

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, working has more benefits than not working.

Therefore

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, spending most of the

time

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working it's a better decision for society because it brings health,

money

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and happiness.

Submitted by cagriffith on Sat Sep 23 2023

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coherence cohesion

The logical structure of the essay is somewhat unclear. Work on organizing the paragraphs more effectively to enhance the flow of ideas.

task achievement

Ensure that all aspects of the task are addressed in the response. Make sure to provide a balanced view and use more varied vocabulary to express your ideas.

11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

255 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

constraints of employment
immerse
personal fulfillment
enhanced relationships
work-related stress
professional achievements
financial insecurity
societal backlash
cultural expectations
identity and worth

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If some people get a chance to choose between life without work and spending most of the time working, then they would choose not to work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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