If some people get a chance to choose between life without work and spending most of the time working, then they would choose not to work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #chance #life #work #time

Part of adult life includes working, which represents that

this

is indispensable for everybody's lives. There could be a few that don'

need to

work

because they are rich and their parents gave them everything,

However

, not working could be

not

Rephrase

apply

show examples

beneficial for society.

Therefore

, I think everybody would choose to

work

even if they don'

need it.

Thus

, I disagree with the statement. I will explain in the following paragraph why I think

this

way. First of all, working makes the brain function all the

time

Hence

, keeping the brain active allows humans to be more intelligent and have more knowledge.

Additionally

, being busy all the

time

prevents the population from getting bored.

Secondly

, by working we can make

money

and get what we want.

For example

, I've been working for many years and saving

money

to get my dream house. I already have the down payment, which means that my dream is going to come true soon because of my hard

work

Also

, by having

money

we can travel and go around the world during vacation

time

. On the other side, people who don'

work

have multiple health problems

such

as depression, being overweight, anger management, and more.

This

happens because they don'

have their mind busy with something and they are getting mental problems.

Also

, they just stay at home and become sedentary.

To conclude

, working has more benefits than not working.

Therefore

, spending most of the

time

working it's a better decision for society because it brings health,

money

and happiness.

Submitted by cagriffith on Sat Sep 23 2023

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coherence cohesion

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

255 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

constraints of employment
immerse
personal fulfillment
enhanced relationships
work-related stress
professional achievements
financial insecurity
societal backlash
cultural expectations
identity and worth

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