IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The charts below give information about the typical temperatures in London, New York, and Sydney as well as total hours of sunshine for each city.

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There are two charts in the questions. Line one illustrates the typical temperatures in 12 months of a year in three cities, namely
London
Use synonyms
, New
York
Use synonyms
, and
Sydney
Use synonyms
, and table one shows the total
hours
Use synonyms
 of sunshine in those cities. It can be seen that New
York
Use synonyms
 has the most
hours
Use synonyms
 of sunshine, at 2535
hours
Use synonyms
, which is a little bit higher than that of
Sydney
Use synonyms
 with 2473
hours
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,
while
Linking Words
 sunshine
hours
Use synonyms
 in
London
Use synonyms
 is just one half to that of the other two cities, at 1180
hours
Use synonyms
.
Besides
Linking Words
,
London
Use synonyms
 and New
York
Use synonyms
 have similar temperature changes during the year, which is hottest in August and months around and coldest in February and months around,
while
Linking Words
Sydney
Use synonyms
 is
in contrast
Linking Words
. Starting below 5
degrees
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 in January, the temperature in New
York
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 continues to climb to its peak at nearly 30
degrees
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 in August before falling down to approximately 5
degrees
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 in December.
Although
Linking Words
 a similar line structure is
also
Linking Words
 recorded in
London
Use synonyms
, the fluctuation in
this
Linking Words
 city is still a little bit smaller than that of New
York
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. The coldest month in
this
Linking Words
 city is December, at around 7
degrees
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, and August is the hottest month of the year with just above 22
degrees
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.
Sydney
Use synonyms
,
however
Linking Words
, records a complete difference. The temperature cycle of
this
Linking Words
 city commences its hottest period in January, at above 25
degrees
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 and
then
Linking Words
 gets colder until reaching its lowest in August, at below 15
degrees
Use synonyms
 before climbing up to nearly 25
degrees
Use synonyms
 in December.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words london, york, sydney, hours, degrees with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
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