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Band 6

Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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It is generally believed by certain people that the
parents
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 are responsible for their
children
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 to be a good person in society.
By contrast
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, others believe school is a platform for learning
this
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 discipline. In my perspective, both views are acceptable.
However
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, arising issues seem to be continuously looming over these prospects, which will be discussed below, and I will offer my views. It is commonly believed that
parents
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 should teach
children
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 how to be a good person. As a matter of fact,
parents
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 are the first teachers in every child's life. They can teach them each step of life lessons
as well as
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 how to build a successful pathway in the community. Since the child is born,
parents
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 take a whole responsibility for the child. They can give facilities and relationships that are necessary for the
children
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.
For instance
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, at present, certain
children
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 have lost their pathways through unnecessary friendships that are brought up without
parents
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. Typically,
children
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 learn a good lesson from their
parents
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.
On the other hand
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, education is an important aspect for every student to learn discipline. School give a lesson for
children
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 on how to behave in a good manner.
For instance
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, more
children
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 do not have siblings.
Therefore
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, they have poor knowledge of sharing things and playing nicely with others. If they are in school, they have a chance to learn these aspects.
As a result
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, they can gain a piece of knowledge about sociology studies.
To conclude
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, the
parents
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 and schools are two different pathways of learning discipline in the community. In my opinion, both aspects should be an important part of
children
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's behaviour.

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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks logical structure and cohesion. The introduction and conclusion are present, but they lack depth and clarity. Supporting main points are somewhat relevant, but they need more development and coherence.
task achievement
The essay partially responds to the task, but lacks thorough development and clear ideas. Relevant examples are limited and require more specificity and relevance to the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • good members of society
  • teach
  • parents
  • schools
  • responsibility
  • values
  • respect
  • empathy
  • responsibility
  • formal education
  • citizenship
  • ethics
  • social responsibility
  • lead by example
  • role models
  • conducive environment
  • extracurricular activities
  • community involvement
  • collaborate
  • holistic approach
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