IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The growth of online shopping will one day lead to all shops in towns and cities closing. Do you agree or disagree?

#growth #shops #towns #cities
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It is certainly true that the rise of online shopping will shut down all
shops
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 in
towns
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 and cities
due to
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 its impact on
business
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 . I agree with
this
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 essay statement and my justification is given below. Nowadays, online shopping is significantly growing in the world. It has changed the definition of the shopping.
Due to
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 the increment in online shopping considering easy access, availability, and convenient options, the local
shops
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 in
towns
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 and cities will have less number of customers.
As a result
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, their
overall
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business
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 will drop which will result in no profit.
For example
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, many local
shops
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 in India have shut down
due to
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 the increasing trend of Amazon Shopping. People prefer to shop from their workplace or home rather than going physically to
shops
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.
As a consequence
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, local
shops
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 do not get sufficient customers and they undergo massive losses.
Thus
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, they can not survive and trends to close in future.
Moreover
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, local shop vendors have taken commercial loans or financial aid to support their businesses. They have to pay monthly high interest rates to the bank . Since their products do not sell much
due to
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 online shopping, they can not pay monthly interest
as well as
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 rent.
As a result
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, either they have to stop the
shops
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 and property handover to the bank or sell the property and pay the loan. These phenomena lead many shopkeepers to close their
shops
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 in
towns
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.
For instance
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, as per research conducted by the University of Mumbai, more than 30% of local vendors have recently sold their
shops
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 and paid loans to banks as their
business
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 totally vanished
due to
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 Amazon and Flipkart. In conclusion, the increasing growth of online shopping will definitely shut down all
shops
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 in
towns
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 and cities
due to
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 losses in
business
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. I totally agree with it and
this
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 is a worrying issue.
Submitted by ahv on

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task achievement
Enhance the clarity and depth of your argument by including more detailed and specific examples. Providing data or statistics can significantly strengthen your position.
coherence cohesion
Ensure all paragraphs are cohesive by using linking words or phrases to connect ideas seamlessly. This will help improve the logical flow of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Work on developing each point more comprehensively. This can include incorporating a counter-argument to show a balanced perspective.
introduction conclusion present
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion which clearly state the writer's position.
supported main points
The main points made in the body paragraphs are relevant and well-aligned with the task.
relevant specific examples
The use of specific examples, such as the reference to Amazon and Flipkart in India, helps illustrate the argument effectively.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • e-commerce
  • brick-and-mortar
  • physical stores
  • online retailers
  • retail apocalypse
  • digital economy
  • consumer behavior
  • sustainability
  • commercial landscape
  • high-street
  • consumer trends
  • augmented reality
  • showrooms
  • carbon footprint
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