Some people think that the government is wasting money on the arts and that this money could be better spent elsewhere. To what extent do you agree with this view?

#people #government #money #arts

It is frequently argued by folks that the government should focus on the progress of the country rather than art.

Although

some might disagree with

this

statement, I completely agree with

this

notion, not only Because

this

budget can be utilized for education and healthcare centers, but

also

because it stimulates economic growth.

This

essay will explore how these factors justify my opinion.

To begin

with, the predominant reason that compels me to agree with

this

concern is that by prioe=rtizing educational services,

instead

of art, a country can improve their citizen's life. The Government has a limited budget, so it is important to allocate these funds to providing high-quality education facilities.

For instance

, countries like Finland and Norway splurge on schooling, and they have a 100% literacy rate which reduces poverty and empowers their economy.

Thus

this

factor can almost single-handedly express my view.

Furthermore

, an additional compelling reason to support my stance is the need for healthcare sectors.

Due to

a lack of capital, some regions cannot provide their society with better and on-time medical treatment. To illustrate, countries like Singapore and Japan are known as the world's best region who has advanced medical industries which help them to build and support a healthy, more motivated and more productive workforce.

Hence

this

factor clearly justifies my opinion.

In addition

, another considerable reason is that it can stimulate economic growth by using

this

amount on other important areas rather than art.

This

fund can be used to boost the domestic industries, which definitely reduces unemployment by creating numerous job opportunities for the locals.

This

leads to economic development and reduces poverty.

To conclude

, I believe

this

statement is correct and I strongly agree with

this

not only in terms of improving education and medical services but

also

boosting the economy.

Submitted by tsarfraz170 on Sat Sep 28 2024

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task achievement

To make your introduction stronger, try to paraphrase the topic statement more effectively and state your position clearly from the outset.

coherence cohesion

Improve your transitions between paragraphs to make the essay flow more smoothly.

coherence cohesion

Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and develops it fully with relevant examples and explanations.

coherence cohesion

You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps structure the essay.

task achievement

You provided relevant examples, such as referencing countries like Finland, Norway, Singapore, and Japan, to support your arguments.

task achievement

The essay addresses the topic and makes a clear argument, which is supported by several points.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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12Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

301 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 9.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

enriching society
promoting cultural understanding
development of talent
creative industries
economic benefits
generate revenue
cultural heritage
identity
prioritize spending
needs of the majority

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Some people think that the government is wasting money on the arts and that this money could be better spent elsewhere. To what extent do you agree with this view?

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