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Band 8

Some people think that the government is wasting money on the arts and that this money could be better spent elsewhere. To what extent do you agree with this view?

#people #government #money #arts
It is frequently argued by folks that the government should focus on the progress of the country rather than art.
Although
 some might disagree with
this
 statement, I completely agree with
this
 notion, not only Because
this
 budget can be utilized for education and healthcare centers, but
also
 because it stimulates economic growth.
This
 essay will explore how these factors justify my opinion.
To begin
 with, the predominant reason that compels me to agree with
this
 concern is that by prioe=rtizing educational services,
instead
 of art, a country can improve their citizen's life. The Government has a limited budget, so it is important to allocate these funds to providing high-quality education facilities.
For instance
, countries like Finland and Norway splurge on schooling, and they have a 100% literacy rate which reduces poverty and empowers their economy.
Thus
,
this
 factor can almost single-handedly express my view.
Furthermore
, an additional compelling reason to support my stance is the need for healthcare sectors.
Due to
 a lack of capital, some regions cannot provide their society with better and on-time medical treatment. To illustrate, countries like Singapore and Japan are known as the world's best region who has advanced medical industries which help them to build and support a healthy, more motivated and more productive workforce.
Hence
,
this
 factor clearly justifies my opinion.
In addition
, another considerable reason is that it can stimulate economic growth by using
this
 amount on other important areas rather than art.
This
 fund can be used to boost the domestic industries, which definitely reduces unemployment by creating numerous job opportunities for the locals.
This
 leads to economic development and reduces poverty.
To conclude
, I believe
this
 statement is correct and I strongly agree with
this
 not only in terms of improving education and medical services but
also
 boosting the economy.
Submitted by tsarfraz170 on

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task achievement
To make your introduction stronger, try to paraphrase the topic statement more effectively and state your position clearly from the outset.
coherence cohesion
Improve your transitions between paragraphs to make the essay flow more smoothly.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and develops it fully with relevant examples and explanations.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps structure the essay.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples, such as referencing countries like Finland, Norway, Singapore, and Japan, to support your arguments.
task achievement
The essay addresses the topic and makes a clear argument, which is supported by several points.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • enriching society
  • promoting cultural understanding
  • development of talent
  • creative industries
  • economic benefits
  • generate revenue
  • cultural heritage
  • identity
  • prioritize spending
  • needs of the majority
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