Government investment in arts such as music and theaters is a waste of money. Government must invest that money in public services instead. Do you agree or disagree?
Today, it is important that
governments
spend public money
on items which have massive benefits for their societies, so a group of people
believe that spending money
on arts like movies and music
is not good, yet governments
should finance public services
. In my opinion, countries
can evolve when spend money
for both of them due to
the fact that people
need situations which have art and good public services
.
On the one hand, it is crucial that authorities spend money
on traditional music
and theatres owing to the fact that they are an aspect of culture; furthermore
, when we can save our customs, then
we are active communities; additionally
, we ought to save our culture on account these things cannot only observe tourist for countries
but also
develop the economy. For example
, I saw a film that was about 2 diverse restaurants . One of them had traditional music
in there, but another one played pop music
. Amazingly, most people
who were from other districts chose the first place because it showed their own culture.
On the other hand
, governments
have to have modern facilities which aid citizens to improve their lives. Nevertheless
, this
equipment needs a lot of money
, but the profits are too much in view of the fact that people
who are living in these regions work more than past, do not need to spend a lot of time on bad transportation, and be able to access things that they need really fast. to illustrate,
when I live in the Remove the comma
apply
countries
that have good public services
; hence
, I do not have waste time for travel to work and I am not tired because the public transportation is really fast and comfortable; moreover
, the factory that I work in it have new tools; therefore
, we need to spend a lot of time for fix it.
To sum up
, both arts and public services
are so essential for countries
because merging them helps countries
to develop; although
, governments
have to have smart investments in these factors.Submitted by maryamkazemi968 on
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task response
Your essay does a great job of addressing the prompt and presenting a balanced perspective. However, work on structuring your arguments more clearly. Use separate paragraphs for each point you make to improve readability.
task response
Ensure your introduction presents a clear thesis statement. This will help guide the reader through your arguments effectively.
task response
Your use of examples is effective, but make sure to elaborate on them more to strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Try to use cohesive devices more effectively to link ideas between sentences and paragraphs. This will improve the flow of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Work on providing clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to signal the main idea of that paragraph.
task response
Your essay addresses both sides of the argument, showing a balanced view which is great for task achievement.
task response
Your examples are relevant and well chosen, particularly the comparison between the two restaurants.
coherence cohesion
You have included both an introduction and a conclusion, which helps to frame your essay nicely.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.