IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

In many countries, imprisonment is the most common solution to crime. However, some people believe that better education will be effective solution. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#countries #imprisonment #crime #people #education
There is no denying the fact that life has a lot of surprises, whether it is acceptable or not.
While
 it is a commonly held belief that accepting sad situations is the best way, there is
also
 an argument that trying and improving are better methods. The essay will analyse
this
 topic from both points of view and express my opinion. On the one hand, satisfaction plays a crucial role in an individual's mental health.
In other words
, accepting our situation can lead us to produce more than enough, so we have to stop blaming ourselves.
In addition
, satisfaction is the trait of happiness that can reflect on our treatment of people.
For example
, I have known a colleague who is not satisfied with his job because he was not promoted,
nevertheless
Add a comma
nevertheless,
show examples
 he was a very happy and hard worker because he accepted his situation and enjoyed it.
On the other hand
, improving and developing our skills are an important part of life. It is
also
 possible to say that desiring to get certificates and working hard to achieve goals is the best way to get plenty of opportunities and choices.
Moreover
,
this
 concept will encourage people to get out of circle poverty.
For instance
, I had a lack of experience and knowledge, so I decided to study in South Korea to improve my skills which helped me to get the job that I wanted when I was a child. In conclusion, there are no answers to
this
 question. On balance,
however
, I tend to believe that encouraging ourselves to be better is a fantastic method.
Therefore
, we should seek to acquire good skills to develop our levels and be good positive members of society
Submitted by f9oli.hm on

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task response
Ensure that the essay is directly addressing the prompt and fully developing the argument.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion need to be clearer and more directly related to the topic. Work on smoother transition between ideas.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Recidivism
  • Rehabilitation
  • Deterrent
  • Vulnerable groups
  • Social inclusion
  • Crime prevention
  • Penal system
  • Reoffending rates
  • Restorative justice
  • Societal norms
  • Economic disparity
  • Educational disparity
  • Delinquency
  • Socioeconomic factors
  • Correlation vs causation
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