IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

children education is expensive. In some countries, the government pays some or all of the costs. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Nowadays
educating
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, educating
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 children has become expensive. As
such
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, in some nations, the
government
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 bears part or all the costs involved. I will say the benefits of
this
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 act outweigh the drawbacks.
To begin
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 with,
education
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 forms the pivot
to
Change preposition
of
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 societal development. To achieve quality
education
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, a nation requires multiple school buildings across the country, qualified teachers, devices like computers, chalks, writing boards and furniture. To acquire these is
capital intensive
Use the right word
capital-intensive
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.
Therefore
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, channelling national funds to
such
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 a foundational area is key to
brooding
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brokering
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 qualified personnel in the country. It is very expensive to train people in some fields compared to others.
For instance
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, medical training in Ghana
is
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costs
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 a lot of
money
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. As one has to purchase very expensive textbooks, pay for tuition and obtain electronic devices for learning
Linking Words
as
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, as
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 well as the multiple medical devices used to practise.
This
Linking Words
 simply means beyond good grades, caretakers should be capable of funding the medical training of their wards. But in reality, not all brilliant students are from affluent homes.
Hence
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, the load pertaining to fees when
subsidized
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subsidised
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 or completely taken over by the
government
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, brilliant but needy students who dream of becoming doctors will have their goal
realized
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realised
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 just as their well-to-do mates from good homes. To add to
this
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, most accommodation facilities at tertiary institutions are quite pricey. I agree there's a need for the
government
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 to support the payment of these so that shelter does not become the burden of a young mind that's supposed to be focused on studies.
However
Linking Words
, the
government
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 has other projects
like
Punctuation problem
, like
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 the health sector
to
Punctuation problem
, to
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 channel some
money
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 to. And truth be told, there are very wealthy families in society who can afford very expensive formal
education
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 for their children.
Therefore
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, it is not logical for
such
Linking Words
 persons to enjoy free
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education
Punctuation problem
education,
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 as the lawmakers need to save
money
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 to channel
them
Correct pronoun usage
it
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 to other important areas. In my opinion, the
government
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 may run at a loss in its quest to help everyone's
education
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. So, the
government
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 should be selective in those whose tuition is
subsidized
Change the spelling
subsidised
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so it can put to use the remaining
money
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 for other projects for the benefit of the whole nation.
To sum up
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, I agree that
government
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 support for
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education
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education,
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 whether partial or
full
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full,
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 is more advantageous than disadvantageous and should be encouraged.

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task response
Your view is clear. You say the government paying costs is good and you use one local example. To raise the score, add more strong reasons and more direct links to the task. Give a short plan or steps and finish with a clear closing.
coherence and cohesion
Use one idea in each paragraph and make the link from one idea to the next. Use simple words like and, but, also, so, for example to show how ideas go together. Have a short intro, two or three body parts, and a build up to a clear end.
task response
The essay shows a clear view and a side is taken.
coherence and cohesion
The order of ideas is seen and there are good links between some ideas.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • socio-economic disparities
  • government funding
  • educational institutions
  • enhanced quality of education
  • educated workforce
  • boosting the economy
  • dependency
  • bureaucracy
  • innovation
  • flexibility
  • parental involvement
  • financially responsible
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