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Writing Samples
Band 6

The table and charts below give information on the police budget for 2017 and 2018. The table shows where the money came from and the charts show how it was distributed.

The table and charts below give information on the police budget for 2017 and 2018. The table shows where the money came from and the charts show how it was distributed.
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The table and charts provide information on the authority budget between 2017 and 2018. The table depicts how much money came and the charts illustrate how it was distributed.
Overall
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, it is noticeable that the national government gave the largest amount of money,
while
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 other sources (e.g. grants) lowest.
Moreover
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, the highest percentage was spent on salaries in both years,
whereas
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 on technology smallest.
To begin
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 with the national government ,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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gave for 175. 5 m in 2017 which was over 4 times bigger than other sources ( 38 m). In terms of 2018, the national government
it
Correct pronoun usage
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gave approximately 177.8 m which was the highest
sources
Fix the agreement mistake
source
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 of income throughout the period. With regards to buildings and transport it shared similar results in both years , namely 17 %. The figure for technology obtained approximately 8 % which increased in 2018 to 14 %.
Therefore
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 , the salaries ( officers and staff) had
namely
Rephrase
apply
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75 % before decreasing to 69 % in 2018.
However
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, it was the figure where all money was spent over the period in question.

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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the seventh paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "gave" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the seventh paragraph.
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