Some people think that it is more important to spend public money on promoting a healthy lifestyle in order to prevent illness, rather than funding the treatment for people who are already ill. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

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A plethora of people believe that it is crucial to spend money on preventing diseases rather than curing them, which I do totally agree with as it has an obvious outcome. Prevention costs far less than treatment
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because it only needs a media to be represented and a group of professionalists to check the health stage of the society. Healthy lifestyle tips can be learnt through social media, television programs and schools' curricula.
Furthermore
, there should be a number of specialists to examine the public's health regularly;
consequently
, if an illness is present, it will be cured at the first stages which will cost a petite amount.
For instance
, Iran's health ministry is in charge of children's dental examinations in schools,
hence
dental caries can be found when they are occult and only need simple treatments like fluoride therapy.
On the other hand
, major diseases cost a great amount of money for both patients and governments,
while
most of them are not curable and deteriorate the quality of life.
Moreover
, governments should spend the vast majority of their budgets on buying expensive medical equipment and drugs.
For example
, almost every oral cancer is detectable in the first place, but they are usually seen in the end stages;
hence
individuals ought to spend a lot of time and money on chemotherapy and radiotherapy,
however
, the chance of survival is low. In conclusion, it is critical to invest more in prevention rather than treatment since its outcome is clear
whereas
the expenses are lesser.
Submitted by g.bohlouli96 on

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task response
Provide a more balanced argument by discussing potential drawbacks of prioritizing prevention over treatment.
coherence and cohesion
Work on maintaining a clear and consistent logical flow throughout the essay.
lexical resource
Expand your range of vocabulary and use more precise and specific language to enhance your essay.
grammatical range
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar to reduce errors and improve clarity.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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