IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

ou are looking for a part-time job. Write a letter to an employment agency. In your letter:      - introduce yourself
     - explain what sort of job you would like
     - say what experience and skills you have

#ou #job #employment #agency #sort #skills
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Dear Sir or Madam, I’m writing
this
 letter with regards to an advertisement, I have seen in the newspaper. My name is Jenny. I am a final year postgraduate student in the Master of
Physiotherapy
 program at Ontario University. I
also
 have professional experience in
Yoga
, I am working as a
yoga
 trainer at ‘Divine
Yoga
 Institution ’ and I take virtual classes in the early morning. Currently, I’m seeking a part-time job in the evening to keep myself busy and upgraded. As I am
also
 preparing for the
physiotherapy
 competency exam, I need to improve my hands-on skills for that, so a
physiotherapy
, assistant job would suit me better than anything to me. I am well-equipped for the position. I have three years of experience in
physiotherapy
 and around eight years of experience in
Yoga
 in my own country.
Hence
 I need to enhance my knowledge in
this
 field for working in
this
 new culture. I hope your agency can help me to find my dream job. Hoping for a positive response, Yours faithfully, Jenny
Submitted by pateldhruvi038 on

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task
Consider revising the introduction to clearly state your purpose upfront. For example, 'I am writing to seek assistance in finding a suitable part-time job.'
coherence
Ensure that each paragraph has a single, clear idea. For example, the paragraph discussing your experience in Yoga could be split to separate it from academic information.
task
You have maintained a formal and appropriate tone throughout the letter, which is very suitable for the context.
coherence
The letter is logically structured with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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