Taking up some kind of sport is the best way for people to improve their social and psychological well-being. To what extent do you agree or disagree ? What other measure do you think might be effective?
There are plenty of choices for our leisure time. Some
people
regard that learning sorts of exercise can have a positive effect on social and psychological well-being. Personally, I absolutely agree with this
notion, furthermore
, I also
think there are other ways to enhance quality of life.
Playing sports
can be an effective way to build relationship
. Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
While
people
playing
soccer, they need not only Wrong verb form
play
the
professional skills Correct article usage
apply
about
the Change preposition
in
sports
but Fix the agreement mistake
sport
also
the
teamwork. During the process, in order to get better Correct article usage
apply
grade
, teammates need to make communication with each other. Fix the agreement mistake
grades
Likewise
, no matter how
the result is good or not, the gap between each member will shrink because of the cooperation they build during the game. Correct word choice
whether
Therefore
, a positive social well-being will create
when Wrong verb form
be created
people
join the
Correct article usage
apply
sports
in their spare time.
During the
Correct article usage
apply
sports
, people
become sincere and open their mind
to Fix the agreement mistake
minds
the
others. In some Correct article usage
apply
researches
, Fix the agreement mistake
research
the
Correct article usage
apply
scientist
found that Fix the agreement mistake
scientists
people
become more emotional and sensitive after exercise, hence
, they are more willing to show their real notion
to the Fix the agreement mistake
notions
people
around them. Due to
the sincerity and open-minded words, it will be easier for people
to make friends with each other.
In addition
, a mutual target can bring people
closer and enhance the
well-being as well. In university, students join the club or student union in order to reach the same goal, the aim create a strong connection between them. During the process, Change the word
their
people
not only have the
sense of achievement but Correct article usage
a
also
obtain the
mental support from each Correct article usage
apply
others
, Change to a singular noun
other
as a result
, sometimes the consequence isn't the biggest part for them, the process is. In my viewpoint, this
the
difference between a group and a person, the Add a missing verb
is the
member
obtain more social and psychological well-being from Fix the agreement mistake
members
the
their target and friendship, Remove the article
apply
that's
the reason why Correct word choice
and that's
the
university students are more confident.
In conclusion, playing Correct article usage
apply
sports
can not only easily build relationship
but Add an article
a relationship
also
assist human open
their heart, Wrong verb form
in opening
furthermore
, joining a group which have a common target can also
change a person's personality and life positively.Submitted by youn.21 on
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task response
Ensure that the essay addresses all parts of the prompt, including both agreeing or disagreeing with the statement and presenting alternative measures for improving social and psychological well-being.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, but they could be more clearly linked to the main body of the essay. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph flows logically and cohesively from the previous one.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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