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Band 4.5

Some people believe that culture will be ruined if it is used to earn tourism revenue, but others consider that tourism is the only way of protecting culture. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

#people #culture #tourism #revenue
Many
people
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
belief
Replace the word
believe
show examples
 that culture will be damaged in
condition
Add an article
the condition
a condition
show examples
 that it is used to earn money from
tourism
,
whereas
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 consider that the only way to protect it is
tourism
Change preposition
through tourism
show examples
.
This
 essay will discuss both sides and from my isolating view,
tourism
 not only
preserve
Change the verb form
preserves
show examples
 culture but
also
bring
Correct subject-verb agreement
brings
show examples
 many benefits
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 locals. Integrating traditional cultural aspects with local
tourism
 provides greater exposure to these cultures. To be specific,
tourism
 adverts images of
traditions
 to
people
 around the world.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
 the ground that more
people
concern
Wrong verb form
are concerned
show examples
 about these
traditions
, it means more
people
 know or intend to do that, so they will never be forgotten through times. Money making from
tourism
 is an important motivation in order to encourage
passions
Fix the agreement mistake
passion
show examples
 between old and young generations,
ensures
Wrong verb form
ensuring
show examples
 that they will not abandon these
traditions
 to come up with modernization.
In contrast
, some
people
 think tourists cause so
many damages
Fix the agreement mistake
much damage
show examples
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
tradition. In some cases,
their
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 leave their names or paintings on ancient structures in order to memorize that they used to visit
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 places or get lucky.
Furthermore
, bad-designed tours may cause negative emotions about that tradition,
for
example
Add a comma
,example
show examples
 many tourists are forced to buy local souvenirs just to suit the purpose of
tourism
Take
Wrong verb form
Taking
show examples
 two things into
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
account, I proved the faith that
tourism
 plays a vital role
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 protecting
traditions
. As images of
traditions
 are enhanced to more
people
, it provides
chance
Add an article
a chance
the chance
show examples
 to develop that tradition somewhere out of their locals. Money from
tourism
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 not
payment
Correct article usage
a payment
show examples
 for local
people
 but
also
 a public fund to fix and preserve old structures
for instance
. Despite
many
Replace the quantifier
much
show examples
 bad news about
destruction
Correct article usage
the destruction
show examples
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 some
traditions
from
Change preposition
by
show examples
 tourists, I
advocates
Change the verb form
advocate
show examples
 that in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 long term,
tourism
 is a sustainable way to preserve
traditions
 if we have careful and ambitious plans
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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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